Blink of an Eye and it has been a year....

I can not belive that it has been a year today that my precious boy went to be with God in heaven. It still seems like it is not real. That one day he is going to walk back through the door and say "Hey Kits" his nickname for me. My heart thinks of him everyday. My eyes release tears everyday. Some days you think this is going to be a good day but then it hits you like a punch in the gut. I miss his hugs, his kisses, his sweet voice.I had 3 people to remember that today marked 1 year. My sister-in-law Lauren, my brother, my friend Janet. I did not have the need to share on fb. I did not want to read all of the prayers, hugs, and love today. I ust wanted to rmember with the Farmer and Clay. I got thru it better than I thought I would. Tears and memories was all i had. We did eat one of his favorite foods for supper spaghetti (spegaletti) that is what he liked to call it. I love him so much and without God and my trust in Him and my faith I would never had made it through it all. I hope and pray that anyone who reads my blog know Jesus Christ and if you dont I hope you go find out or ask me. Now on the other things going on in my life. I put up my Christmas trees. I put up all but 1 of my trees this year.

You know I need to complain about blogging I really dislike this formate where you can not see the pictures until it is published it is really frustrating. I had a friend to make a special ornament for me and my mother in law gave me a beautiful ornament.

I guess I have one more thing I want to share I went out to look on the deck and saw my gerber daisy. I also have to share a sweet picture of my Mattie Ross.

Well I will end here. Thanks

Seth's 30th birthday

Wow my boy would have turned 30 years on a few days ago. I had big plans for his 30th. I was going to take him to the Alan Jackson concert that is happening tonight. He loved some Alan Jackson. But instead We went to Hobby lobby and bought him some flowers for his headstone, a sign for his adopt a hyway sign. I also ordered flowers to be placed in front of the church Sunday in his honor.

It was so hard. I miss him so much But I know that he is with God and in a better place. I have rejoined weight watchers again. I have gained so much weight and out of shape. I have been riding my bike Tour de Pants trying to get back into my jeans I am not goint to buy any new ones I refuse. I just want to be healthy. I am going for a girls weekend retreat next weekend with my sister and sister-in-law. I am excited and sad. I have been isolating myself from people because I dont want to see people. So I am going to break the wall I have been keeping up not wanting to see people by going and praising God. I am going to do a lot of praying to make through the 1st year anniversary of his passing.

Near me.....

Hey everyone I know this is a strange title but I was not sure what to call it. I have been struggling toay missing my boy so much. The closer it gets to his birthday the harder it feels in my heart. I want to scream why God?? Why did you take my boy? But I trust God and I know he has a plan and that I will one day soon be in heaven with Jesus and Seth and so many other love ones. Well this post was suppose to be about things that I feel like Seth sends me to let me know hw is always near. I think firs of all my sweet puppy Mattie Ross was sent by Seth. He told me to name her Mattie Ross from one of his favorite John Wayne movies True Grit. She has been so much comfort to our family. She is the pickest eater I have ever encountered. She will not eat human food hardly or dog food. She mostly survives on sweet potato sticks wraped in chicken jerky. She loves them and she wil also eat duck sausages, She love ice cream also LOL. She smells everything and make this sound of disgust when she does not like the smell. She loves to play, sleep and lay in my lap. She just got spayed last Wednesday. She did great.

A lot of things have happened on the farm and in life for the past 9 months. Someone came in broad daylight and stole our bushhog and an older zero turn lawnmower. This occured in a week span of time. The dectectives took DNA samples of 2 drink bottles that were left at the crime scene.It had been at least 3 months and we had given up on ever seeing them again and a Randolph county dective called and had found them. Can you believe it? The Farmer had alread went and bought himself a new bushhog. He was out mowing the pasture in front of our house and when he was done he came in and told me he had to show me something that Seth had sent us. I could not imagine what it could be. We road our kawasaki mule out there to see. There stood a really big persimmon tree loaded with persimmons. Now let me give you a little back story we have been living up here on the farm for 28 year this pass May and the farmer has lived in the general area his whole life. We have gotten big rock from the area. The Farmer feed the cows hay in the very spot. There has never been a persimmon there ever. I have already got people wanting the pulp. I just can not decide if I want to do it this year. But maybe this is Seth telling me to just do it.

We also have a good amount of grapes.

A litte catch up maybe.....

Well it has been a long time since I have made a blog. Not alot has happened here around the farm. I have a lot to say at times but I stop and think and say nobody needs to know about that. Since the last time I posted I have been working hard on myself. I let grief over whelm me to the point I was alway crying or mad. I was missing that closeness I had with God that I experienced while I sat in the hospital with Seth. The more I thought about it I do not want to live the rest of my life like I was feeling. I had made promises to God that I would work on my "FEARS". So I am not scared of going outside at night anymore. I take Mattie Ross out at night and I can walk all the way around the house with a flashlight but I can do it. I am working hard on not fearing anything that is going on in this world. I know that God is in control and there is nothing I can pray or do to change it. I know that God has a plan and His will will be done. I am working on myself again by exercising. It was so hard to get back into the routine of exercising again. I have completed 3 programs now and re doing another one 5 days a week and 20 minutes a day. I have managed to do a little canning. I made some blueberry jam. I canned some corn, green beans and my tomoatoes just started coming in I hope to can some spaghetti sauce and salsa. I am working on letting go of "Anger". I hate flying off mad so quick. I hit my knees and pray, I sing praise music and sometimes I just cry. I was getting to the point that I did not feel like I had a purpose anymore and I do have a prupose. God made me to love, be kind and live the best I can and let him guide me every step of the way. I still have difficult with a few people that I am working hard on. I know that God is always working in my life. I know he has a purpose for me and it is not to be angry and have fear. My nutrition is baby steps. I gained so much weight and I have not been able to totally get it back to where I need it to be. I also made a promise to God that I would not obesse of exercise and food. My goal is to be healthy. My knees hurt again and I can not do the things I could before the weight gain or wear the clothes I have. I am not going to buy new clothes I will get some kind of control again. I hardly take any pictures anymore. I just dont have a lot of motivation. I am proud of myself for accomplishing the few things that I have over the summer. I will post a few. We managed to go on a short vacation and my memory card fell out on the beach and I lost it.

May is Hard

Why doen't life stop or just slow down when you have grief. I dont even know what to do anymore. My life will never be any kind of normal but then I feel horrible because i think of Gods promise that we should find Joy, Peace, Comfort in knowing that we enventually will spend eternity with him. I am so grateful that I know my heavenly Father and that he sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins. All we have to do is believe that he died for our sins. Ask him for his forgiveness and to come into your heart and wash it clean. I made it through Seths memorial day where he is buried. The headstone has not come in yet. Hopefuly it will be here soon. It was a very hard day but i made it through the day.

Here is my daddys grave also he is burried in the same cemetary as Seth

The Farmer made me a cross for my clematis vine to climb

A dear friend of mine brought me a beautiful necklace with Seth birthstone.

Mattie Ross is growing and she is a mess. I love having her to help with this pain in my heart. She is a mischevious little puppy. She loves to go under the bed and pull things out. I know I use to keep under my beds clean but I have gotten so lazy and I have way to much clutter in my old age. I have days I would love to back the truck up to the door and just start throwing away but I would probably unload it all before I ever made it to the dump. Oh well when I die someone will have the job doing it.

Today is Mothers Day. I am going to make it through another hard day but I know that God is with me carrying me through. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be Praised Proverbs 31:30 It is memorial day at the church where my Mom, my Granny & Grandfather, my aunt Mildred, and my uncle Boyd, aunt Ann, and cousin Chris.

This is my last year mothers day picture Oh how it brings on the tears. Well I guess I will end here. I am not sure what I just blogged but I hope you enjoyed the pictures

Made for More?????

I am reading the best bible devotion by lysa Terkurest "I'll start again Monday"

I just read a chapter that made you look at yourself and tell yourself "I am Made for more". I can not find this anymore. My grief for my son I fell like I have not purpose anymore. I know I am still a mother to Clay, I am still the Farmers wife, I am still a sister and now I have a sweet little puppy Mattie Ross

I dont know how to explain how I feel. I have days I dont even have words to pray anymore. I pray for my family, friends and the goverment. I pray for grace, and how thankful I am that God is so great! He has blessed my family in many many ways. I am grateful that he sent his son to die for my sins and for everyone elses also. All you have to do is believe he died for our sins. If you dont know him ask me and I will try to tell you all I know about my Jesus. So I can be made for more? Is it to spread what I know about Jesus? Is that what God is trying to tell me that I am Made for more??? Off topic I wanted to share with Henny Penny if she reads this. I for got all about the little chocolate vine she sent me. The other day Frank was outside mowing and he saw the little vine thriving.

Well I wll close here Stop for stopping by

Snow and more....

 I am slowly trying to figure things out. I have been trying to get my Christmas cactus back to blooming for years now but not much luck. One year I almost killed it by sitting it outside and the sun burned it pretty bad. I did not think it was going to survive.The original one has 3 or 4 buds on it and the smaller one has 3 or 4 buds on it. I am so happy. 

The smaller one

the bigger one

We also had some snow. and we got out in it a little while before it melted. 

Farmer and Clay  

Out the front door

out the front door 

We also adopted the road in Seth memory for road clean up. 

I am still trying to figure things out. I don't have much to so. I am struggling with how I am suppose to function, Trying to get back into a healthy eating pattern and exercise and I just so emotional. I eat just to eat. Not even hungry I just want food to fill the emptiness in my heart. I am praying and trying to ask God for guidance and comfort. I will close here. Thanks for stopping by. 

2022 Starting the New Year with God

 It has been a while since I made a post. My life that I have had for the past 54 years has changed drastically at  the end of 2021. Ever since 2020 when Covid come to all of ours lives. I knew as soon as I heard these words that the world and life that we have had was over. All we have left is God. My prayers have been for Jesus to come and take us home. 

 My faith has grown so much and I am looking forward to growing closer and closer to God this year. I am leaning hard on him and I need him to function most days. We have had tragedy come into our home at the end of 2021 and I will never be the same ever again. Covid hit my family we all caught it.I was sick for about 4 days. My youngest son got better in about 2 weeks. My husband stayed in the Hospital for a week and it took my oldest son life. This has been the hardest think I have ever had to live through. 

I have been struggling trying to get some kind of normalcy back but to tell you the truth without my God, my family, and dear friends I would be in a very dark place and not sure that I would ever come out. 

My words for 2022 is Intentional & Renew. 

Christian Living. Living intentionally means to purposefully pursue the life God has called you to live. Intentionality requires deliberate action. God is intentional and he has called us to be the same. God didn't create the world by accident or chance.

Spiritual renewal” is the term that Christians often use to describe what happens when God pours out his Spirit on his people, when he is free to work powerfully in and through his people to show the world how real and mighty and good Jesus is.

I started this on January 1, 2022 and I could not finish it. I have been trying to get back into a routine but I keep failing. I emotionally eat all the time. I can make myself exercise a a normal routine but I dont want to obsess about it anymore. I want Freedom from emotional eating. Well that is enough about that. Thanks for stopping by