A litte catch up maybe.....

Well it has been a long time since I have made a blog. Not alot has happened here around the farm. I have a lot to say at times but I stop and think and say nobody needs to know about that. Since the last time I posted I have been working hard on myself. I let grief over whelm me to the point I was alway crying or mad. I was missing that closeness I had with God that I experienced while I sat in the hospital with Seth. The more I thought about it I do not want to live the rest of my life like I was feeling. I had made promises to God that I would work on my "FEARS". So I am not scared of going outside at night anymore. I take Mattie Ross out at night and I can walk all the way around the house with a flashlight but I can do it. I am working hard on not fearing anything that is going on in this world. I know that God is in control and there is nothing I can pray or do to change it. I know that God has a plan and His will will be done. I am working on myself again by exercising. It was so hard to get back into the routine of exercising again. I have completed 3 programs now and re doing another one 5 days a week and 20 minutes a day. I have managed to do a little canning. I made some blueberry jam. I canned some corn, green beans and my tomoatoes just started coming in I hope to can some spaghetti sauce and salsa. I am working on letting go of "Anger". I hate flying off mad so quick. I hit my knees and pray, I sing praise music and sometimes I just cry. I was getting to the point that I did not feel like I had a purpose anymore and I do have a prupose. God made me to love, be kind and live the best I can and let him guide me every step of the way. I still have difficult with a few people that I am working hard on. I know that God is always working in my life. I know he has a purpose for me and it is not to be angry and have fear. My nutrition is baby steps. I gained so much weight and I have not been able to totally get it back to where I need it to be. I also made a promise to God that I would not obesse of exercise and food. My goal is to be healthy. My knees hurt again and I can not do the things I could before the weight gain or wear the clothes I have. I am not going to buy new clothes I will get some kind of control again. I hardly take any pictures anymore. I just dont have a lot of motivation. I am proud of myself for accomplishing the few things that I have over the summer. I will post a few. We managed to go on a short vacation and my memory card fell out on the beach and I lost it.