Made for More?????

I am reading the best bible devotion by lysa Terkurest "I'll start again Monday"

I just read a chapter that made you look at yourself and tell yourself "I am Made for more". I can not find this anymore. My grief for my son I fell like I have not purpose anymore. I know I am still a mother to Clay, I am still the Farmers wife, I am still a sister and now I have a sweet little puppy Mattie Ross

I dont know how to explain how I feel. I have days I dont even have words to pray anymore. I pray for my family, friends and the goverment. I pray for grace, and how thankful I am that God is so great! He has blessed my family in many many ways. I am grateful that he sent his son to die for my sins and for everyone elses also. All you have to do is believe he died for our sins. If you dont know him ask me and I will try to tell you all I know about my Jesus. So I can be made for more? Is it to spread what I know about Jesus? Is that what God is trying to tell me that I am Made for more??? Off topic I wanted to share with Henny Penny if she reads this. I for got all about the little chocolate vine she sent me. The other day Frank was outside mowing and he saw the little vine thriving.

Well I wll close here Stop for stopping by

Snow and more....

 I am slowly trying to figure things out. I have been trying to get my Christmas cactus back to blooming for years now but not much luck. One year I almost killed it by sitting it outside and the sun burned it pretty bad. I did not think it was going to survive.The original one has 3 or 4 buds on it and the smaller one has 3 or 4 buds on it. I am so happy. 

The smaller one

the bigger one

We also had some snow. and we got out in it a little while before it melted. 

Farmer and Clay  

Out the front door

out the front door 

We also adopted the road in Seth memory for road clean up. 

I am still trying to figure things out. I don't have much to so. I am struggling with how I am suppose to function, Trying to get back into a healthy eating pattern and exercise and I just so emotional. I eat just to eat. Not even hungry I just want food to fill the emptiness in my heart. I am praying and trying to ask God for guidance and comfort. I will close here. Thanks for stopping by. 

2022 Starting the New Year with God

 It has been a while since I made a post. My life that I have had for the past 54 years has changed drastically at  the end of 2021. Ever since 2020 when Covid come to all of ours lives. I knew as soon as I heard these words that the world and life that we have had was over. All we have left is God. My prayers have been for Jesus to come and take us home. 

 My faith has grown so much and I am looking forward to growing closer and closer to God this year. I am leaning hard on him and I need him to function most days. We have had tragedy come into our home at the end of 2021 and I will never be the same ever again. Covid hit my family we all caught it.I was sick for about 4 days. My youngest son got better in about 2 weeks. My husband stayed in the Hospital for a week and it took my oldest son life. This has been the hardest think I have ever had to live through. 

I have been struggling trying to get some kind of normalcy back but to tell you the truth without my God, my family, and dear friends I would be in a very dark place and not sure that I would ever come out. 

My words for 2022 is Intentional & Renew. 

Christian Living. Living intentionally means to purposefully pursue the life God has called you to live. Intentionality requires deliberate action. God is intentional and he has called us to be the same. God didn't create the world by accident or chance.

Spiritual renewal” is the term that Christians often use to describe what happens when God pours out his Spirit on his people, when he is free to work powerfully in and through his people to show the world how real and mighty and good Jesus is.

I started this on January 1, 2022 and I could not finish it. I have been trying to get back into a routine but I keep failing. I emotionally eat all the time. I can make myself exercise a a normal routine but I dont want to obsess about it anymore. I want Freedom from emotional eating. Well that is enough about that. Thanks for stopping by

Life, Opinions and WW

 Wow can any one agree that they are so done with all the craziness in the world. I pray everyday that people wake up and see how the media is and others are destroying our country. My saying is "A lot of people need to find Jesus and Pray" Amen! Okay I am not going there because since this craziness has happen I had to find Jesus and pray myself. The devil is trying to take my Joy. 

Alright let get to why I felt like I needed to write a blog. I am totaling discouraged with WW (formerly weight watchers). Because of the craziness of the world they have closed my workshop until further notices. I have been doing virtual and I enjoy it but I am not a person for change. It has derailed me until I have gained 10 pounds. I reset everyday, I make a plan and say today is the day. I have meal prepped and I have done just 1 meatless meal a day. I am still keeping up my exercise everyday except Sundays. But then I let life drag me down. I let the all of the who cares sneak into my brain or I want the cookies, candy, ice cream, and other sweets and who cares? But the bad part is I just tell myself I can not give up. 

I sit and think what do I need to do? What do I need to change? Do I need to try something different? (which means spending money, or changing coaches) I let myself get derailed and I know what to do it is Lack of DOING IT!! I liked this quote someone shared "You Don't Like Motivation You Lack Discipline"

This brought back memories in highschool when a teacher went into all of my classrooms and posted Self-Discipline signs. This made me so mad but in high school I had  a bad attitude and like he does not know me and what I can do. I passed his class maybe because of the fact I was mad or the fact I put a little more effort in when I got mad. But I can not seem to get mad at weight loss anymore and that scares me. 

Well I don't know what else to say. I had so much on my mind and got to typing and everything has slipped my mind. Thanks for stopping by if you read this far! 

Farm catch up

Wow it has been a long time since I made a blog post. Not a lot has been happening here on the farm. We have had so much rain that we have had to replant the garden 3 times. We have bought 3 flats of tomatoes and I don't think we even have a flat still living but the beans, squash and cucumbers are finally starting to come up and grow. We have a lot of blueberries waiting to ripen. We have also have tame blackberries and grape. I had pictures of them blooming and grapes hanging on the vines but they are missing.

Blueberries but not ripening yet

This is all wild blackberries With all the rain it has grown up to you can not barely get to them

Here are the wild blackberries getting ripe

Here is another picture

I picked a few

Garden

We have gone on vacation since the last time I blogged. We went to the beach and had a wonderful time. It was so nice to get away from the craziness of the world. We now have  chickens back and trying to slowly get back to a so called normal life. 

Someone made a dog sculpture on the beach

A family picture

Chickens

Here are some pictures from the yard.

Hydrangea should have taken a more recent picture they are so brilliant blue/purple

My fig tree has figs the first time ever 5 of them. I wonder if they will get ripe

Firepoker again I needed a newer picture

I have not been doing great with my WW. I have not been able to get back on track. I have officially gained  10 pounds back. I am trying hard to get my act together I so a picture the other day on Instagram that That said "YOU DON'T LACK MOTIVATION, YOU LACK DISCIPLINE" This really struck a cord in me from teenage memory of a teacher telling me I don't have any  self-discipline. He put a small sign of this in every class I had. Oh well I am going to prove I have discipline I am back on track and I hope to stay that way!!

 
This evening the sky was beautiful I had to go out and take pictures of it.

Well I guess I will end it here. I will try to do better getting a new post up. Thanks for stopping by.

Quarantined.....

Who is as sick as me of being quarantined?  It has really opened my eyes and made me realize the world will never be the same again. I think God is telling us it is time to get our act together and get right with him before it is to late. I will not go into a rant on this topic but I am tired of the crap.

I went the longest I have ever gone without coloring my hair. I did not consider myself a modest person my no means but at 53 years old I do not want to be gray headed. I don't understand why everyone wants me to be gray headed. I color it myself and it usually only cost less than 10$ bucks.

I am my mothers child for sure.

I am still trying to diet. I am hoping I am back on track. I have been gaining weight and not losing but I hope this month is the month I turn it around. We went fishing the other day and Seth my oldest son caught a pretty good size bass. I caught a smaller one, but when I saw the picture I was shocked how much weight I can see that I gained.

Seth was a little scared to hold it so his daddy is standy close to him and holding it for him

Little chunky woman!

 It was memorial day at our church this past Sunday. Here is my daddys and grandmas graves

Well I don't have a lot to say but maybe I will get another one soon. Thanks for stopping by.

When you try to eat healthy ....

Eating healthy has become the hardest thing I have done in a while. I have started a fb page hoping that would motivate me to eat healthy. I am reading devotions on giving it to God and letting him be what you crave. I am still attending WW meetings, in accountable groups, I even have a WW friends that are messaging me trying to help me. But all I am doing is failing. I am so disappointed in myself. It is not helping that this past week that I have been stressed out of my comfort zone. Fragile X has been hitting hard at my house this week with bad behavior and meltdowns. The world seem s to be off it rocker and I know it is going to get worse before it gets better. Then things on the farm have not been the best either with stuff breaking and other stuff. I trust God has got us and will get us through the trail and error.

My WW coach thinks my problem is that I have lost my motivation to eat healthy. This is very possible but I don't know how to get it back. I pray about it I talk about it, I write about it but that is not getting it done. I use to want someone to make me angry but I am not sure that would help. I often wonder if I would stop exercising and just focus my nutrition. The last time I did WW strictly and lost a lot of weight I got to about the same place I am now. I was exercising every day. Walking 4 miles and lifting weights. I had to stop because the boys were little then and school got out for the summer. That summer  I got 3 pounds from my goal weight and I stopped going to WW and started gaining it back. I am so scared to stop exercising worried I will not ever start back. That I might get flabby and lots of lose skin. I really wish I had the answers. I feel like I am just venting but I really need guidance. I will continue praying and maybe soon the answer will be clear!! Thanks for listening.