Near me.....

Hey everyone I know this is a strange title but I was not sure what to call it. I have been struggling toay missing my boy so much. The closer it gets to his birthday the harder it feels in my heart. I want to scream why God?? Why did you take my boy? But I trust God and I know he has a plan and that I will one day soon be in heaven with Jesus and Seth and so many other love ones. Well this post was suppose to be about things that I feel like Seth sends me to let me know hw is always near. I think firs of all my sweet puppy Mattie Ross was sent by Seth. He told me to name her Mattie Ross from one of his favorite John Wayne movies True Grit. She has been so much comfort to our family. She is the pickest eater I have ever encountered. She will not eat human food hardly or dog food. She mostly survives on sweet potato sticks wraped in chicken jerky. She loves them and she wil also eat duck sausages, She love ice cream also LOL. She smells everything and make this sound of disgust when she does not like the smell. She loves to play, sleep and lay in my lap. She just got spayed last Wednesday. She did great.

A lot of things have happened on the farm and in life for the past 9 months. Someone came in broad daylight and stole our bushhog and an older zero turn lawnmower. This occured in a week span of time. The dectectives took DNA samples of 2 drink bottles that were left at the crime scene.It had been at least 3 months and we had given up on ever seeing them again and a Randolph county dective called and had found them. Can you believe it? The Farmer had alread went and bought himself a new bushhog. He was out mowing the pasture in front of our house and when he was done he came in and told me he had to show me something that Seth had sent us. I could not imagine what it could be. We road our kawasaki mule out there to see. There stood a really big persimmon tree loaded with persimmons. Now let me give you a little back story we have been living up here on the farm for 28 year this pass May and the farmer has lived in the general area his whole life. We have gotten big rock from the area. The Farmer feed the cows hay in the very spot. There has never been a persimmon there ever. I have already got people wanting the pulp. I just can not decide if I want to do it this year. But maybe this is Seth telling me to just do it.

We also have a good amount of grapes.

A litte catch up maybe.....

Well it has been a long time since I have made a blog. Not alot has happened here around the farm. I have a lot to say at times but I stop and think and say nobody needs to know about that. Since the last time I posted I have been working hard on myself. I let grief over whelm me to the point I was alway crying or mad. I was missing that closeness I had with God that I experienced while I sat in the hospital with Seth. The more I thought about it I do not want to live the rest of my life like I was feeling. I had made promises to God that I would work on my "FEARS". So I am not scared of going outside at night anymore. I take Mattie Ross out at night and I can walk all the way around the house with a flashlight but I can do it. I am working hard on not fearing anything that is going on in this world. I know that God is in control and there is nothing I can pray or do to change it. I know that God has a plan and His will will be done. I am working on myself again by exercising. It was so hard to get back into the routine of exercising again. I have completed 3 programs now and re doing another one 5 days a week and 20 minutes a day. I have managed to do a little canning. I made some blueberry jam. I canned some corn, green beans and my tomoatoes just started coming in I hope to can some spaghetti sauce and salsa. I am working on letting go of "Anger". I hate flying off mad so quick. I hit my knees and pray, I sing praise music and sometimes I just cry. I was getting to the point that I did not feel like I had a purpose anymore and I do have a prupose. God made me to love, be kind and live the best I can and let him guide me every step of the way. I still have difficult with a few people that I am working hard on. I know that God is always working in my life. I know he has a purpose for me and it is not to be angry and have fear. My nutrition is baby steps. I gained so much weight and I have not been able to totally get it back to where I need it to be. I also made a promise to God that I would not obesse of exercise and food. My goal is to be healthy. My knees hurt again and I can not do the things I could before the weight gain or wear the clothes I have. I am not going to buy new clothes I will get some kind of control again. I hardly take any pictures anymore. I just dont have a lot of motivation. I am proud of myself for accomplishing the few things that I have over the summer. I will post a few. We managed to go on a short vacation and my memory card fell out on the beach and I lost it.

May is Hard

Why doen't life stop or just slow down when you have grief. I dont even know what to do anymore. My life will never be any kind of normal but then I feel horrible because i think of Gods promise that we should find Joy, Peace, Comfort in knowing that we enventually will spend eternity with him. I am so grateful that I know my heavenly Father and that he sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins. All we have to do is believe that he died for our sins. Ask him for his forgiveness and to come into your heart and wash it clean. I made it through Seths memorial day where he is buried. The headstone has not come in yet. Hopefuly it will be here soon. It was a very hard day but i made it through the day.

Here is my daddys grave also he is burried in the same cemetary as Seth

The Farmer made me a cross for my clematis vine to climb

A dear friend of mine brought me a beautiful necklace with Seth birthstone.

Mattie Ross is growing and she is a mess. I love having her to help with this pain in my heart. She is a mischevious little puppy. She loves to go under the bed and pull things out. I know I use to keep under my beds clean but I have gotten so lazy and I have way to much clutter in my old age. I have days I would love to back the truck up to the door and just start throwing away but I would probably unload it all before I ever made it to the dump. Oh well when I die someone will have the job doing it.

Today is Mothers Day. I am going to make it through another hard day but I know that God is with me carrying me through. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be Praised Proverbs 31:30 It is memorial day at the church where my Mom, my Granny & Grandfather, my aunt Mildred, and my uncle Boyd, aunt Ann, and cousin Chris.

This is my last year mothers day picture Oh how it brings on the tears. Well I guess I will end here. I am not sure what I just blogged but I hope you enjoyed the pictures

Made for More?????

I am reading the best bible devotion by lysa Terkurest "I'll start again Monday"

I just read a chapter that made you look at yourself and tell yourself "I am Made for more". I can not find this anymore. My grief for my son I fell like I have not purpose anymore. I know I am still a mother to Clay, I am still the Farmers wife, I am still a sister and now I have a sweet little puppy Mattie Ross

I dont know how to explain how I feel. I have days I dont even have words to pray anymore. I pray for my family, friends and the goverment. I pray for grace, and how thankful I am that God is so great! He has blessed my family in many many ways. I am grateful that he sent his son to die for my sins and for everyone elses also. All you have to do is believe he died for our sins. If you dont know him ask me and I will try to tell you all I know about my Jesus. So I can be made for more? Is it to spread what I know about Jesus? Is that what God is trying to tell me that I am Made for more??? Off topic I wanted to share with Henny Penny if she reads this. I for got all about the little chocolate vine she sent me. The other day Frank was outside mowing and he saw the little vine thriving.

Well I wll close here Stop for stopping by

Snow and more....

 I am slowly trying to figure things out. I have been trying to get my Christmas cactus back to blooming for years now but not much luck. One year I almost killed it by sitting it outside and the sun burned it pretty bad. I did not think it was going to survive.The original one has 3 or 4 buds on it and the smaller one has 3 or 4 buds on it. I am so happy. 

The smaller one

the bigger one

We also had some snow. and we got out in it a little while before it melted. 

Farmer and Clay  

Out the front door

out the front door 

We also adopted the road in Seth memory for road clean up. 

I am still trying to figure things out. I don't have much to so. I am struggling with how I am suppose to function, Trying to get back into a healthy eating pattern and exercise and I just so emotional. I eat just to eat. Not even hungry I just want food to fill the emptiness in my heart. I am praying and trying to ask God for guidance and comfort. I will close here. Thanks for stopping by. 

2022 Starting the New Year with God

 It has been a while since I made a post. My life that I have had for the past 54 years has changed drastically at  the end of 2021. Ever since 2020 when Covid come to all of ours lives. I knew as soon as I heard these words that the world and life that we have had was over. All we have left is God. My prayers have been for Jesus to come and take us home. 

 My faith has grown so much and I am looking forward to growing closer and closer to God this year. I am leaning hard on him and I need him to function most days. We have had tragedy come into our home at the end of 2021 and I will never be the same ever again. Covid hit my family we all caught it.I was sick for about 4 days. My youngest son got better in about 2 weeks. My husband stayed in the Hospital for a week and it took my oldest son life. This has been the hardest think I have ever had to live through. 

I have been struggling trying to get some kind of normalcy back but to tell you the truth without my God, my family, and dear friends I would be in a very dark place and not sure that I would ever come out. 

My words for 2022 is Intentional & Renew. 

Christian Living. Living intentionally means to purposefully pursue the life God has called you to live. Intentionality requires deliberate action. God is intentional and he has called us to be the same. God didn't create the world by accident or chance.

Spiritual renewal” is the term that Christians often use to describe what happens when God pours out his Spirit on his people, when he is free to work powerfully in and through his people to show the world how real and mighty and good Jesus is.

I started this on January 1, 2022 and I could not finish it. I have been trying to get back into a routine but I keep failing. I emotionally eat all the time. I can make myself exercise a a normal routine but I dont want to obsess about it anymore. I want Freedom from emotional eating. Well that is enough about that. Thanks for stopping by

Life, Opinions and WW

 Wow can any one agree that they are so done with all the craziness in the world. I pray everyday that people wake up and see how the media is and others are destroying our country. My saying is "A lot of people need to find Jesus and Pray" Amen! Okay I am not going there because since this craziness has happen I had to find Jesus and pray myself. The devil is trying to take my Joy. 

Alright let get to why I felt like I needed to write a blog. I am totaling discouraged with WW (formerly weight watchers). Because of the craziness of the world they have closed my workshop until further notices. I have been doing virtual and I enjoy it but I am not a person for change. It has derailed me until I have gained 10 pounds. I reset everyday, I make a plan and say today is the day. I have meal prepped and I have done just 1 meatless meal a day. I am still keeping up my exercise everyday except Sundays. But then I let life drag me down. I let the all of the who cares sneak into my brain or I want the cookies, candy, ice cream, and other sweets and who cares? But the bad part is I just tell myself I can not give up. 

I sit and think what do I need to do? What do I need to change? Do I need to try something different? (which means spending money, or changing coaches) I let myself get derailed and I know what to do it is Lack of DOING IT!! I liked this quote someone shared "You Don't Like Motivation You Lack Discipline"

This brought back memories in highschool when a teacher went into all of my classrooms and posted Self-Discipline signs. This made me so mad but in high school I had  a bad attitude and like he does not know me and what I can do. I passed his class maybe because of the fact I was mad or the fact I put a little more effort in when I got mad. But I can not seem to get mad at weight loss anymore and that scares me. 

Well I don't know what else to say. I had so much on my mind and got to typing and everything has slipped my mind. Thanks for stopping by if you read this far!