Day 19 Be sure to Eat

I don't have any trouble eating that is not a problem. My problem is eating to much all day long. I don't skip meals but I like to eat. Like for instance this morning I had 2 slices of bacon, 1 egg and 1or 2 pks of instant butter grits. It always seems like food like this leaves me hungry so I eat 2 peaches and then I was not hungry any more. I drank water with my breakfast I read hear recently that you are dehydrated when you wake up in the morning and that you should have 8 oz of water before you drink anything else, so I have been trying to do this. I need to go today and get some fruit I am running out. I have got to get my green beans strung so I need to get off of here and do that. I might come back later. 

Day 18 Bad Words

Reading food labels. I don't always do this but I have. I try not to eat a lot of prepackaged food, but I do love hamburger helper, tacos, and cereal. I sometimes pick cereal because I like it. I try to eat more food that I have canned because I know what is in it. I know that prepackaged food has a lot of preservatives in it that I have no clue what they are. They are probably bad words but I am more accused of saying bad words LOL. Well lets go walk on the treadmill. I feel like taking a nap. I am so tired and sleepy.

Day 17 A Drinking Problem

I sometimes have a drinking problem because water can get so boring and I want a drink! I am so addicted to Pepsi Max it is not even funny I have to have one every evening. I know that it is a diet drink with more caffeine than other drinks but I love them!! At least I am only drinking one a day. I do drink water the rest of the time. I had thought about making some tea this morning I would love a big glass of ice tea but I don't drink it up fast enough to make a gallon and It is like I don't want but that one glass and I want it made with real sugar!! Oh well. I will stick to water for the day and try to break my Pepsi Max habit.

Now about life. I thought today was going to be a bad day I woke up to a bad mood Clay. He was angry this morning because he has been stuck in the house to many days other than running to Whynot or Dollar G. He has been wanting to go to Goodwill for about a week now. So Pawpaw came and got Seth for a little while and I took Clay to Goodwill. He was so happy and well behaved. He found three vhs and we bought them and all the way home he was talking away to me telling me thank you, and telling me about the movies. I love this baby boy of mine. I know he is not a baby anymore he is almost 17 but to me he is still my baby boy.

Day 16 Food Journaling

Today the challenge wants me to keep a food journal for 30 days. I have kept my promise to keep it for a week so far and maybe I have gotten myself in the habit now to continue on. I hoping for a very happy fourth of July I may be back and share more about my day later. Well I have been so tired today. I did not do very much exercise today. I went to the mall and walked around and I walked with my family this afternoon but not as far as usual. I am going to do my best to my little exercise regiment that I found online. I lost another pound this today and I hope that I did not put it back on for having a bad day. I have been very hungry this evening and knowing that there is a box of chocolate poptarts in the the pantry is driving me insane. I have followed my day 16 challenge of praying instead of eating. So far I have not eaten the poptarts. I did stay under my points today even though I had more than yesterday. Well I will get off of here and see you in the morning.

Day 15 Food is Fuel

Today the challenge is to only eat food to fuel our bodies don't use food as an medication to fix all that is going on in our lives. You know I never understood this until I was in my later 20 and after I had children. I would gain weight but I could always lose back down if I tried. I always knew that we as humans have used food when we are happy or sad. To celebrate something special or to honor someone. we use it to comfort our feelings, and to make all problems of the world to go away. I think about my father and his addiction with alcohol and know truly understand that I have a food addiction just like he did with alcohol. I am coming to find out that I am more and more like my daddy the older I get. I don't have the cravings to drink alcohol but I do crave food all of the time and when it taste really good I want more even though I can barley move because I am so full. I eat because I want comfort, or I want something I can control but not really control. Does this make since? I can and I can't control food. I can eat all I want for spit, for anger and just because I am not going to let anyone tell me I can not eat it or I thought you were on a diet. I don't have control when it comes to eating just because when supposedly nothing is wrong and I am happy. I need to really work on this problem. I need to eat food for fuel instead of being an emotional eater.I need to really take control and use food properly for fuel and treat my body the way God intended us to do. When I get ready to eat I need to ask myself if I am eating because I am hungry of if I am trying to feel an empty spot in my heart that should be filled with God instead of food. The book tells me to use this technique over and over that it will be hard at first but I will soon learn that food is for fuel not a way to make us happy. I will work of this because it is important to me to take control of food in my life even if I have to learn to take it one day at a time just like my mom tried to enforce into my brain for years. I thing I will try this and see if I can succeed. 

Day 14 It is Possible ????

What a title for today. I don't feel like nothing is possible today. I am so depressed today. I am feeling really trapped and buried under with no way out just a little light of hope shining dimly through a crack and you can hear the crumbling of the earth slowly moving trying to snuff out this little light of hope...
Today's story is not even motivational to me today. It is about a 20 year old with no marriage, children or a real adult life. She has time to exercise, to buy all healthy food and to get out and play. I feel horrible about complaining when I know that there are millions of people out there and several of them I know personally that are going through things a whole lot harder than being fat, having their health and children that are so called "normal" and will grow up go off to college, and get married, and hopefully have grandchildren and bring them to visit. I get jealous sometimes reading facebook and seeing my friends have a girls night out to go shopping, out to eat or watch a movie. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with my family but I have gotten to a place in my life when it like I have no friends. Every one that was my friend their children have grown up, and they don't have to worry about somebody watching them. They  have their lives with their friends and husband and don't have time for defected "Vicki". Oh well I need to get off this pitty party.
My challenge today is to get a basket ball and dribble it for ten minutes. Yipey!! I am so exicited. I guess I am going to have to make myself more depressed and just stop eating anything that taste like food. Oh well lets go find the basket ball.




 Here is the basketball. It is hard to dribble and take a picture. I can not believe I went out and bounced a ball for 10minutes. I have to say I don't feel quite as depressed but I did get hot. Maybe I should go walk on the treadmill or pick a room to clean. I hate doing either one.

Dat 13 Don't Look Back

Well my challenge for today is to not look back at all of the things that I regret or that I could have done different. Oh I have many things that I could have done different or wish I never did at all or even wonder why did I do or start this? I try to look at some of them as life's little lessons, such as my 1st marriage. Other things like money decisions. I am horrible at managing money. I wish when I lost 60 lbs 6 years ago I would have kept if off instead of gaining it all back plus 10 more pound taking me the whole 6 years to do it but I did!!! Not going to college when I was young instead of trying to do it now with a family, a job and being old and tired.(not to old LOL). One more look back decision I made and still not sure if it was the right one is school decisions for my boys. Alright the second part of the challenge is to vow to God not to let these mistakes to dictate your life today. So my vow is to be the best person I can be NOW and for the rest of time. We are only human and we are suppose to make mistakes and learn from them. My life's little lesson I really feel like God helped with the this decision and sent me in the right direction with it. I asked him for forgiveness an I know in my heart he answered this prayer. As far as the decision I have made in my children's life I feel like God helped me with this also because after getting the Fragile X diagnoses I gave my children to God and asked him to help me be their earthly mom. As for the weight gain this is ridiculous and I worry that maybe I just am not suppose to be skinny healthy or feel good about myself. No I don;t really believe this. I don't feel like this is something that I need to be bothering God with but maybe it is. Sometimes I thing I have convinced myself that I am suppose to be like my mother. That I am not suppose to be happy, lose weight and keep it off, be healthy, and die young. These words hurt my heart and soul as I think them or type them. I need to be healthy and be her as long as possible for my boys. I don't want to leave them until I am really old I mean really, really old. So please Dear God, I pray that you help me get healthy and stay that way for me and my family. Please help me be the best person I can be for my family, friends, and my job. Please help me find that happy place and stay in that zone more than my pity party zone. Please help me be a strong woman, and take care of the people I love but most important take care of me.

Amen

1 Corinthians 6: 15, 19-2015 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.