Near me.....

Hey everyone I know this is a strange title but I was not sure what to call it. I have been struggling toay missing my boy so much. The closer it gets to his birthday the harder it feels in my heart. I want to scream why God?? Why did you take my boy? But I trust God and I know he has a plan and that I will one day soon be in heaven with Jesus and Seth and so many other love ones. Well this post was suppose to be about things that I feel like Seth sends me to let me know hw is always near. I think firs of all my sweet puppy Mattie Ross was sent by Seth. He told me to name her Mattie Ross from one of his favorite John Wayne movies True Grit. She has been so much comfort to our family. She is the pickest eater I have ever encountered. She will not eat human food hardly or dog food. She mostly survives on sweet potato sticks wraped in chicken jerky. She loves them and she wil also eat duck sausages, She love ice cream also LOL. She smells everything and make this sound of disgust when she does not like the smell. She loves to play, sleep and lay in my lap. She just got spayed last Wednesday. She did great.

A lot of things have happened on the farm and in life for the past 9 months. Someone came in broad daylight and stole our bushhog and an older zero turn lawnmower. This occured in a week span of time. The dectectives took DNA samples of 2 drink bottles that were left at the crime scene.It had been at least 3 months and we had given up on ever seeing them again and a Randolph county dective called and had found them. Can you believe it? The Farmer had alread went and bought himself a new bushhog. He was out mowing the pasture in front of our house and when he was done he came in and told me he had to show me something that Seth had sent us. I could not imagine what it could be. We road our kawasaki mule out there to see. There stood a really big persimmon tree loaded with persimmons. Now let me give you a little back story we have been living up here on the farm for 28 year this pass May and the farmer has lived in the general area his whole life. We have gotten big rock from the area. The Farmer feed the cows hay in the very spot. There has never been a persimmon there ever. I have already got people wanting the pulp. I just can not decide if I want to do it this year. But maybe this is Seth telling me to just do it.

We also have a good amount of grapes.

A litte catch up maybe.....

Well it has been a long time since I have made a blog. Not alot has happened here around the farm. I have a lot to say at times but I stop and think and say nobody needs to know about that. Since the last time I posted I have been working hard on myself. I let grief over whelm me to the point I was alway crying or mad. I was missing that closeness I had with God that I experienced while I sat in the hospital with Seth. The more I thought about it I do not want to live the rest of my life like I was feeling. I had made promises to God that I would work on my "FEARS". So I am not scared of going outside at night anymore. I take Mattie Ross out at night and I can walk all the way around the house with a flashlight but I can do it. I am working hard on not fearing anything that is going on in this world. I know that God is in control and there is nothing I can pray or do to change it. I know that God has a plan and His will will be done. I am working on myself again by exercising. It was so hard to get back into the routine of exercising again. I have completed 3 programs now and re doing another one 5 days a week and 20 minutes a day. I have managed to do a little canning. I made some blueberry jam. I canned some corn, green beans and my tomoatoes just started coming in I hope to can some spaghetti sauce and salsa. I am working on letting go of "Anger". I hate flying off mad so quick. I hit my knees and pray, I sing praise music and sometimes I just cry. I was getting to the point that I did not feel like I had a purpose anymore and I do have a prupose. God made me to love, be kind and live the best I can and let him guide me every step of the way. I still have difficult with a few people that I am working hard on. I know that God is always working in my life. I know he has a purpose for me and it is not to be angry and have fear. My nutrition is baby steps. I gained so much weight and I have not been able to totally get it back to where I need it to be. I also made a promise to God that I would not obesse of exercise and food. My goal is to be healthy. My knees hurt again and I can not do the things I could before the weight gain or wear the clothes I have. I am not going to buy new clothes I will get some kind of control again. I hardly take any pictures anymore. I just dont have a lot of motivation. I am proud of myself for accomplishing the few things that I have over the summer. I will post a few. We managed to go on a short vacation and my memory card fell out on the beach and I lost it.