Deep...

Do you ever want to write a blog post but just end up deleting it. I have started a entry 4 times in the last 2 weeks and I have deleted all of them. I have to admit that I am in a fog. It is like I am living and our life is going right on but not me.

My mother in law has had sciatica nerve in her back this started the end of August. The sciatica turned into shingles that happened in October. Next she got bronchitis which turned into pneumonia. That put her in the hospital for a week and today is the first day she has been released to go out in  the world but I worry that she did to much.

The Farmer's grandma has had some mini strokes that put her in the hospital and ending up with her being put into a rest home. During all of this the Farmer's uncle has been diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer and has not been given long to live. I have also been worried about my aunt Betty taking care of her husband. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer  and Palsy. He is now in a wheel chair. She lives to far away to help her out. I hate that my family is so far away and that all I have is excuses why I can not visit. Mind you they are true excuses. We are chicken farmers and we are only out of chicken for about 3 weeks before we get more. During the time we are out we have to get ready to get chickens back.

Also we have the dreaded fragile x that looms over us at times. I have been proud of them both lately being able to go into the hospital to visit mamaw and rest home to visit grandma. Today was not a good day of fragile x for my youngest and he had a meltdown because I could not get the old laptop to work right to change movies on his iPod up. I have to say I had sort of a meltdown myself.


There is so much going on in the world that is crazy. So many friends being diagnosed with cancer and also people we know from tv. I dislike election years and all of the debates and lies that we have to listen to.


So when I whine and feel like crap I feel horrible because so many others are suffering and sick. I feel selfish and depressed. I have been feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I can feel myself falling back into the rut of anger and harden heart. I am still reading my bible but I have skipped a day. I know that is not a sin but I don't want to be slack. I have been trying to pump myself back up. I have been reading daily devotions. I am grateful and I thank God everyday for everything he does for me and my family. I pray everyday for his guidance, his support and protection. I know that I will get through this with his help.

Oh yeah I changed the tile of my blog because I once again am trying to commit to getting healthy by the time I am 50. I am reading a new book Daily Weight loss Scriptures 30 daily devotionals for weight loss motivation. I am hoping by the first of the year I can get myself together and get the scales moving down again. I am still working on the Trim Healthy Mama, with a little weight watchers and counting calories all mixed together. I am not walking as much as I was with the weather changing and my mood. I feel like I make 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Oh well I am starting to ramble.

Thanks for stopping by.
God be with you all and pray for me and I will pray for you