Friends....

Do you ever feel like you do not have true friends? I have a jealousy over people who have life-time friends. I know this is wrong in God's eyes and I am not jealous that they have the life-time friend I am jealous that I don't. I know a lot of it has to do with me moving around a lot as a child. I had a friend in kindergarten who I came back to be friends with in the 9th and 10th grade but then she lied and deceived my friendship that we drifted apart. I got married and she got married and when I separated we became friends again until I meet my husband I have had now for 25 years. The same things happened again that she started lying and deceiving me again. She has tried to be friends with me again on Facebook but I will not take a chance again. In Rockingham I had 2 great friends. One was a friend until I moved in the 7th grade and the other was my friend until the re-election time this pass years.  She attacked me on Facebook over my believes on politics. Oh well I have had a lot of play-date friends when my children were young and started school, I had work friends when I have worked but I have not had a good friend in a while.

I know some of it has to do with me probably because I do have a family that is not understanding to me having me time. I have felt lost and alone every since my parents died and I just can not seem to fill the void I have. I have tried to stay close to my brother and my sister but they have families and find it hard to find time for me. I know I have probably blogged about this before but the book I am reading has brought friends up again.

It tells how friends are so important on helping you fight your food addictions and that sometimes the root of the addiction could be no more than needing a friend. I really believe this. In the past when I have lost the most weight and kept it off is when I had a circle of friends for support. After the birth of my children I had my friend/cousin that we talked on the phone almost everyday and supported each other through food, family, and boredom. Then we had friends at Westmoore school that joined and did weight watchers together. We talked, saw each other daily at school and rode together to the meetings. We would also go to Subway after the meetings to celebrate weight loss. I lost 63 pounds doing this only to gain it all back with stress of going back to school, family, IEP meetings and finally going back to work.

I have dieted with work friends but I not ever been successful because of the stress. Most of the stress came from worrying about my boys, their future, my future, and all the things in between. I stressed myself to 242 pounds. I have never weighed this much in my whole life not even pregnant. I had one work friend to tell me about myfittness pal and adding your calories to lose weight. I have been doing this for almost 2 years now and I have only lost 40 pounds. I know this is a lot but not to me in the amount of time.

I have tried two different friends in the past 6 months to buddy up with and lose weight. One a old high-school friend and another a friend who I was an assistant with her child while I was getting my 2 year degree in Early Childhood. The high school friends has 3 small children and has lots on her trying to home school one and the other two have a hard time in school with making WHAT ELSE BUT FRIENDS! The other she has two much going on and is really down on herself worse than I am and I am not wanting the stress of boosting her ego. I know that sounds mean and I have prayed about it so I am following my heart. I want to be her friend and help her but she has got to be willing to help herself also. I am not totally giving up on her.

The books also tells how you should fill your time with God, talking to him and relying on him for guidance. I have been working on this and I do feel so much better in my heart. The book also says to feel your time with a hobby, or something you enjoy doing. I have really gotten out of taking pictures. I feel like I can not find anything to take a picture of besides the cows, chicken houses, or my yard. I know I love all of these things but I do see them everyday. I am going to get a new camera for Christmas and I think I will ask my mother-in-law to give me the gift of an photography class for Christmas. There is one hobby that I enjoy. It is also time to start thinking about making Christmas ornaments. I love making ornaments. I did read a blog where a lady is in a christmas ornament exchange I would not mind doing that. I also need to get my moms quilt out and work on finishing it.

But all I really want is a friend to share it all with. Man I sound pathetic, desperate and pitiful but I really would love a friend.

Thanks for stopping by.