Friends....

Do you ever feel like you do not have true friends? I have a jealousy over people who have life-time friends. I know this is wrong in God's eyes and I am not jealous that they have the life-time friend I am jealous that I don't. I know a lot of it has to do with me moving around a lot as a child. I had a friend in kindergarten who I came back to be friends with in the 9th and 10th grade but then she lied and deceived my friendship that we drifted apart. I got married and she got married and when I separated we became friends again until I meet my husband I have had now for 25 years. The same things happened again that she started lying and deceiving me again. She has tried to be friends with me again on Facebook but I will not take a chance again. In Rockingham I had 2 great friends. One was a friend until I moved in the 7th grade and the other was my friend until the re-election time this pass years.  She attacked me on Facebook over my believes on politics. Oh well I have had a lot of play-date friends when my children were young and started school, I had work friends when I have worked but I have not had a good friend in a while.

I know some of it has to do with me probably because I do have a family that is not understanding to me having me time. I have felt lost and alone every since my parents died and I just can not seem to fill the void I have. I have tried to stay close to my brother and my sister but they have families and find it hard to find time for me. I know I have probably blogged about this before but the book I am reading has brought friends up again.

It tells how friends are so important on helping you fight your food addictions and that sometimes the root of the addiction could be no more than needing a friend. I really believe this. In the past when I have lost the most weight and kept it off is when I had a circle of friends for support. After the birth of my children I had my friend/cousin that we talked on the phone almost everyday and supported each other through food, family, and boredom. Then we had friends at Westmoore school that joined and did weight watchers together. We talked, saw each other daily at school and rode together to the meetings. We would also go to Subway after the meetings to celebrate weight loss. I lost 63 pounds doing this only to gain it all back with stress of going back to school, family, IEP meetings and finally going back to work.

I have dieted with work friends but I not ever been successful because of the stress. Most of the stress came from worrying about my boys, their future, my future, and all the things in between. I stressed myself to 242 pounds. I have never weighed this much in my whole life not even pregnant. I had one work friend to tell me about myfittness pal and adding your calories to lose weight. I have been doing this for almost 2 years now and I have only lost 40 pounds. I know this is a lot but not to me in the amount of time.

I have tried two different friends in the past 6 months to buddy up with and lose weight. One a old high-school friend and another a friend who I was an assistant with her child while I was getting my 2 year degree in Early Childhood. The high school friends has 3 small children and has lots on her trying to home school one and the other two have a hard time in school with making WHAT ELSE BUT FRIENDS! The other she has two much going on and is really down on herself worse than I am and I am not wanting the stress of boosting her ego. I know that sounds mean and I have prayed about it so I am following my heart. I want to be her friend and help her but she has got to be willing to help herself also. I am not totally giving up on her.

The books also tells how you should fill your time with God, talking to him and relying on him for guidance. I have been working on this and I do feel so much better in my heart. The book also says to feel your time with a hobby, or something you enjoy doing. I have really gotten out of taking pictures. I feel like I can not find anything to take a picture of besides the cows, chicken houses, or my yard. I know I love all of these things but I do see them everyday. I am going to get a new camera for Christmas and I think I will ask my mother-in-law to give me the gift of an photography class for Christmas. There is one hobby that I enjoy. It is also time to start thinking about making Christmas ornaments. I love making ornaments. I did read a blog where a lady is in a christmas ornament exchange I would not mind doing that. I also need to get my moms quilt out and work on finishing it.

But all I really want is a friend to share it all with. Man I sound pathetic, desperate and pitiful but I really would love a friend.

Thanks for stopping by.

Addictions and God

I have been loving this beautiful weather and staying outside most of the day. I have also been reading a book while sitting in the swing, in the warm sun. The book I have been reading a great and I would recommend reading it if you struggle with eating to much or binge eat. I have talked to you all about my father being an alcoholic an addiction that ruled his life. As an adult I have come to understand that his addiction was hard and was not as simple as just quitting and not doing it ever again. As well as his smoking cigarets. I remember he would be down to an 1/2 pack of cigarets and pacing the floor trying to make sure he had a way to get to the store to get some more. This is how I feel about food at times. I can not stand for there to be something sweet in the house. I try hard to keep sweets out of the house but I crave them! I will stalk the cabinets trying to figure out what I can eat that would be sweet that would not hurt my diet. If I do make something sweet like a persimmon pudding it will not be in the house longer than 24 hours. I do not eat it by myself I push my family to eat it to. I have to get rid of it. The same goes with cookies, candy, or anything sweet. So I find it easier not to keep sweets in the house and also not to make desserts often. The only dessert I can keep in the house is sugar free popsicles and sugar free fudge pops. They will fix my craving sometimes. The book tells you to remove the binge food from your life. It starts off with removing sugar and then white flour. I can honestly say I don't crave bread but I love pasta! I love spaghetti and can eat my fill in it.  I found wheat spaghetti noodles and they are delicious and I have noticed that the wheat one fill you up and I am not craving more and more and more. I love spaghetti squash and I have eaten it in replace of pasta but it takes a lot of squash to fill me up. I think that I am going to try to give up desserts until Thanksgiving. That is almost a month away maybe I can do it.

 The book also helps you get closer to God. I have been struggling with over eating for a while and I have not lost any weight in a while. I love to eat and it is so hard to stop. I have really enjoyed the parts that are getting me back on track with God also. I have always had good intentions to read my bible daily but after 47 years I have never done it consistently  until now. To help with your food addictions the book recommends that you pray, read your bible and visit with God daily. I know it has only been 6 days but I feel like this is a big deal for me. I have really been enjoying getting to now Gods word. I have been saved since I was a young girl. I have prayed a lot, and trusted God to help me through so many rough times in my life. I don't think I could have raised my children without his help. I gave him my sons after they were diagnosed with Fragile X Syndrome and I told him that I was there earthly mother and I would do the best I can but I would always need his guidance. I just have never got into reading my bible. I tried to read the whole bible one time but I stopped at the book of Job. I was not raised in an environment where anyone in my family read the bible daily. I know it has taken me a long time to start again but I pray that I will keep with it this time.

Thanks for stoping by

My Sister

My sister and her family came down for a visit this weekend. I was so happy to see them and they even spent the night!! I have missed these special time for me. I am six years older than my sister so we have never been really close but I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her and her family. Her little boy Mason wanted to go hunting with Uncle Frank. Farmer went and got a gun just for Mason so that it would not bruise his shoulder. It is actually for the Farmer but he wanted his little nephews to have a gun to use incase they decided to go hunting with him. Mason had a great time and is a pretty good shot. Farmer took him out to practice before they went on the hunt.

Farmer telling him about the gun

Mason shooting

Mason's shot on the tin pan

Seth, my sister, and her two boys

Mason ready to go hunting

Farmer and Mason going hunting

Farmer and Mason sitting in the stand

They had a great time I just really wish they would have saw a deer and that Mason would of had a chance to shoot a deer. I am so happy to be able to see my family!

Thanks for stopping by.

Fall

I love this time of the year. Spring and Fall are my favorite 2 seasons. I love the cooler weather even though here lately it has been hot and humid. But today has been wonderful. It was sunny and cool.  We had a picnic at Denson Creek park. It is a beautiful park with a pond, trails and picnic area. I did not have my camera but it was a lovely day.

We have had a pretty good week. We also had a little picnic in the drizzling rain at Ramsuer park this week.

I have also taken some pictures of some fall color. I love beautiful fall leaves. 

We have been enjoying going to the pasture and riding around. There is a blue heron that stays at the pond but he usually flies off before I can get a picture of it. The other day we went over there and not only did I get a picture of the heron I got a picture of egret. 

I have also been wanting some cowboy boots. I have thought about it for a year now and I decided the other day I wanted some. So today I got me a pair. I put them on as soon as I got out to the car and wore them all evening. Cowboy boots make me think of my dad. My dad loved western wear and always had a pair of cowboy boots. I had my mind set on getting a pair but I had to make sure I went for comfort and not looks. I have been looking online and had found several pairs that I loved. Today we went to Walker Shoe Outlet in Asheboro NC and I found a beautiful pair that I loved. They were so pretty and they fit my big foot. I hate to go shoe shopping because I do have such a big foot. This pair I loved was tight across the top of my foot. They did not have a lot of boots in my size. So I decided to go and look at the mens boots. You know men are  not going to wear uncomfortable boots. I found a pair that I loved and they felt great on my foot!! I went with comfort and not beauty. Even though they are nice looking boots. 

My new boots. 

Well thanks for stoping by.

Purple Penguins

I will make this clear if you don't want to read my rant on political correctness please stop here.



This is a little rant that has just made me shake my head. This world that we call home has changed so much since 9/11 attacks that it is scary. This is not being caused by terrorist but by the people that live her in the United States. I will  Shake my Head everyday watching the news, reading the news or checking out social media. People are unbelievable!! I just read and saw on the news that there is a classroom in Nebraska that the teachers are not allowed to call their students boys and girls they are now Purple Penguins???? What the Heck? I don't care how you look at it you are either a boy or a girl. You can have gender issues and be confused at what you think you are but there is no option to be either a boy or a girl. You can change your options to be the opposite of what you are but you are still a boy or girl. No matter how you look at it we will never be Purple Penguins!! What are they trying to teach the children??

Next rant: The right to vote something in or out is no longer constitutional according to the supreme court. North Carolina voted against same sex marriages and the supreme court has ruled that it is unconstitutional. I honestly am not going to judge any one on what the preferred to do with there life. I don't care how others live your life. I am talking about why bother to vote if the supreme court is going to vote everything down.  Just saw I the news that the supreme court has overruled no voter id low that was voted him by the people. Well if poor people can not afford to get an id to vote how are they getting cigarettes and alcohol? Is this only a law in NC? I will stop here on this one I just don't understand this crazy world is all I am saying.

I hope that all christians or anyone who believes in prayer please pray for this country. I know that God has not given up on us so let not give up on him.

Splurge Day

Splurge day I think I have had a splurge day for around a week. I think today is worse though. I started off my morning by eating a Hardee's ham biscuit, and we shared two bags of mini snickers. That means I ate 15 and later right before lunch we shared a bag of peanut M&M's. The calories for just this morning was 1,155 and that is not including the half of a 12oz pepsi I had. Oh well instead of trying to make the rest of the day better I ate tuna and crackers for lunch and some sweet potatoes cooked with brown sugar, cinnamon and water, this was another 431 calories. I finished off supper with left over spaghetti  ad some peanut butter crackers another 780 calories. Making me 1,136 calories over my goal of 1230. WOW!! I hate when I get out of control. I made me a motivational weight loss project but it has not helped yet.

I did not put the weight I have already lost so it is empty.

There is always tomorrow.

I will do better tomorrow and I need to try and walk tomorrow. Thanks for stoping by.

October 1st!

Well I am 3 days into the skinny rules. I have found it very difficult to follow the rules. I have been doing really good with the water. I have been getting in more protein than I thought I could. I am reading the food labels. I have eaten an apple a day. I have been measuring my food to get the right portion size. I always eat breakfast everyday. I like vegetables and I have eaten them everyday except today. I have stop eating after 8:00 pm. I have been sleeping and I guess I will have to say today was my splurge day.

The things I have not done so well on are as follow:  I have not gave up grains or flour. I have eaten grits and weight watchers corn bread muffins. You would not believe how hard it is to eat 30 to 50 grams of fiber. I bought some higher fiber food options today. I will have to really work on no carbs after lunch not sure this one is doable. I will really have to work on this one maybe I will start one day a week. I have been still adding a little Stevia to my coffee in the mornings. I am going to really try this giving up white potato. I bought sweet potatoes so that should work. Today I did terrible!! I had a 1/3 lb bacon cheeseburger from Hardee's. I did take off the top bun but man it was delicious, but defiantly not on my diet! So I will have to really try hard tomorrow.

We got out and worked on the pasture yesterday and today. We have really been enjoying the weather.  We have been gathering persimmons, buying apples and taking rides on the kawasaki mule.

Persimmons

Apples

The persimmon seed is a spoon and that means we will be shoveling snow.

My mother-in-laws calf Georgie

Persimmons on the ground

The tree is loaded with persimmons

Just thought this was cool. A bunch of flies pilled on a cable. 

Well I will end here. Thanks for stoping by.