Small steps in the diet world...

I read a blog called Modestly Slim. I can really feel this bloggers emotions and struggles with weight loss.  I am 20 years older than she is and I still struggle with the same challenges everyday with how I know I should eat to be healthy and lose weight and how I do eat. I have weight as high as 242 pounds but I have never been what I call skinny except when I was 4 to 6 years old. I was skinny only in this time of my life. I have often thought that the reason I eat out of control sometime is because food is the only true thing that I have control of in my life. That no one can truly tell me how much or how little I should eat and if they do watch out. In reality I don't have control of my food I just think I do. I have said I am an emotional eater and there is some truth to this. I do eat if I am bored, mad, or sad. I have also eaten because I am happy but this is usually done with friends or family. I also think that I have an addiction to food. This could come from my fathers addition to alcohol. I always wondered why he could not just say "No" to the next drink. He drank like I eat. When he was sad, or mad and when he was with friends or family. Feeling sorry for ourselves instead of trying to see the bright side of things. I am big on these that you should not allow the way you were raised make you out to be the person you are today but sometimes it is hard. If I really wanted to blame my childhood to who I am today I would probably drink my problems away if I wanted to blame my dad.

On the other hand I could blame my mom for my weight. She was always struggling with her weight also. She was always on a diet only losing and gaining weight the majority of my life, but in the end it always seemed that her weight always won. I worry that I could be more like her only I don't feel like I yo yo with my weight quite as bad as she did. I worry that I will get cancer and die before I am 48 just like her. I have one advantage that I have never really smoked. I have had a lot of second hand smoke from my parents and other family members but I have been away from that for more than 30 years. I have tried to smoke before but I was not any good at it. I never could learn how to inhale and I could not see wasting the money on cigarettes. These are two good reasons and I am very happy that I never picked up the habits of drinking or smoking.

I know that it is a might set thing to eat and be healthy. To get up everyday and make the right decision and try not to fall into bad eating habits. To dig deep and find the will power to just say NO! Teach your brain to stop and know that you are full and stop eating. I know these things and I try hard on most days to accomplish them but I find myself like an alcoholic digging deep to fight the urge for one more bite.