Family

I have recently found a blog written by my dad sister. I have always love my Aunt Melba she is a wonderful person inside and out. I remember some great times with her and her girls. Two of my most vivid memories are; one time I went to the beach with Aunt Shelby,  Aunt Melba and their families. My Aunt Melba has very beautiful long black hair (down to her butt long). I had a sucker and was leaning over the front seat like I often did as a child. I dropped my sucker in her hair (oh no). I remember how scared I was to tell her that my sucker was in her beautiful hair. "Melba I whispered tapping on her shoulder." The car was full of kids so she did not hear me. Once again "Melba, I whispered again" this time she hears me and I am about to tear up and say I dropped my sucker in your hair. I could tell she was upset but she was sweet and said it would be okay that she will get it out. I also remember the time we were in the car together Melba, Andee', Lynn, my mom, Cindy, and Randy, and me. We were heading from Aberdeen to Rockingham. I was burping eggs all the way! We laughed and rolled the windows down. I have spent summers with her and my cousins and had some great times. I love my Aunt Melba! I am also getting to know my grandma by reading her blog. I feel horrible that I don't know these things about my grandma. I feel like I was cheated out of knowing her and I am not sure why. I know my dad was an alcoholic and for majority of my life we would take dad to grandma's and leave him for the weekend. I never got grandma time. I would just see her brief periods at a time. She was always nice to me and I loved her but I missed out on really getting to know her.  I hope that my aunt continues to write in her blog so I can get to know my grandma and the rest of my dad's family. He told a few childhood stories but that is for another day.

New Position in my life....

Wednesday I went and resigned from my teacher assistant job that I struggled with. I have been in this position for almost seven years. I have loved each child just like they were my own. I have loved the job even with the ups and downs of teachers. I sometimes think I may be hard to get along with but I honestly don't think its me.The stress of 3 new teachers, my best buddy (like family) teacher assistant retired and Clay feel apart from the drama and changes that happened in the last 3 school years. By the end of this past school year Clay would not stay in the room for nothing. He would go out and sit in the swing all day, just coming in for lunch. He also had gotten were he would not keep his shirt on and also pulling his pants down. I can not be his mom and teacher at school especially when the rest of the staff did not understand. I know in my heart I have made the right decision to quit and stay home with my sons but it is scary with all of the change. I have always known that my life would always revolve around my sons and I do not resent my decision. I love my family!

Clay's First year of high school. 

Ipods

I am so happy that Apple made Ipods, Ipads, and Iphones. They have made life easier and harder all at the same time. I just fed-x both of Clay's Ipod back to Apple and hoping that they will be fixed. One of them has insurance on it and the other one the insurance ran out but still covered by the year warranty. I am just hoping that they will both be fixed free of charge. I was so glad that the fed-x man was patient. He helped me put the Ipods in the boxes, and took them with him. I am so grateful that he took the time to help me.  Changing the subject I went out this morning to throw out some table scrapes and a chipmunk come running out as fast as he could scurry around the big oak tree with the ivy growing on it. He scared me at first but then I saw him and he is so cute. I wished I would have had a camera and he was moving slower to take a picture of him. I also went out and pulled the wild strawberries out of my flower bed it looks a lot better.

struggling

I have a lot on my mind and what I should do? I have been praying a lot and I know the answer but I  still worry. Some big changes are coming up for me and my family. It is going to take a lot of pulling together and tighten down the belt. I know in my heart that it is best for my children, me and Frank, but it also means that we will have a whole let less money. I think if we can just make it until the first of the year we will be okay I know that we can do it with Gods help. He has been providing and guiding my family for 24 years and he is not going to give up on us now. I have been canning every vegetable I can get my hands on. Here are a few pictures.

Corn

Green Beans

salsa, and squash relish

Spaghetti Sauce

I have also started an herb garden but the rabbits are trying to eat it up.

Blogging

I love reading blogs and I would love to keep mine up and write it in more often than I do. I always am worrying about what if someone reads it? I want to write stuff that affects my life daily but I am afraid. I know that a blog should be a place to share experiences and stuff that would make people come back and read but I am scared. I don't want to be I want to share but I can not bring myself to do it. I don't even know what to write here. Oh well maybe I will learn.

evening walk

We went out of for a walk this evening since it was not raining. While we were walking we saw the most birds flying north. I have never in all of my life saw so many birds. I wish I had my camera but one time that I don't take it I see something I want to take a picture of.

Motivation

"Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly." --Stephen R. Covey

The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it. Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation. And then, guess what? After you start doing the thing, that's when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it." --John Maxwell



I can relate with the first motivational quote. I will get all fired up when I see others that are losing weight, or when I feel so fat that I hate myself. Then something will happen and put out my fire. It could be as little as my foot hurting, feeling sorry for myself, or getting mad! I just can not find the answer any more. My husband offered to pay for me to go back to weight watchers but I am scared I will fail and I turned him down. I am suppose to be working on the 90 day challenge with my friends on facebook and they are on day 17 and I have not really even began. I am sitting here thinking about how fat I am and how bad I feel. I can hardly breath, my fat pants are tight, and I am scared that my blood pressure is going up and that I could have an heart attack. I know these things should be motivational enough but... I just can not make my heart and mind get on the same page. I really need advice or someone or something to kick my ass!!!