Day 54 No More Pity Parties

Man I needed this one today. Today is Tuesday, August 21, 2012.  I It is my second day back at work and I had all intentions of starting back on my diet full blast again and see if I can lose at least 10 pounds. I had 1 plum, a vanilla activia, a small salad with light balsamic vinegar dressing. For supper I and 6 oz piece of chicken fried in olive oil (2 tbs) 1 cup of reduced fat mac and cheese, 1 small homemade biscuit 1/2 cup can corn and some watermelon. I had 2 heaping tsp of chunky Jif peanut butter, 1 coffee latte, and some popcorn hot-air popped.  I am not sure how good or bad I have done today but I have moved a lot. I am glad that I have Anna working with me. If I can just get her to not cry every time she talks about her family I will be happy. Tomorrow is open house and I have to work until 7:00 but I am planning on leaving early. I am going to pick up the boys for the open house.

Day 53 Prison Break

Today I am suppose to think about how my body has kept me in prison because I am not able to do what I would like to. There are many things that my fat keeps me from doing. I am not comfortable with my fat. I would love to have a spa day but I would never let someone massage my fat. I tried kayaking and I was so embarrassed because I could not get out of the kayak. I would love to go horse back riding but I know that my knees and weight hinder me. I need to make a list of things that I need to change to break myself from the prison that I stay in.
1. I need to get over the fact that my life is always going to be about my children and accept it and stop whining about it.
2. I need to decide if I want to lose weight and do it or stop worrying about it.
3. I need to make a plan and stick to it no matter what.
4. I need to make a commitment to do some kind of exercise every day.
5. I need to learn to like myself and my life and thank God for it everyday.
6. I need to keep a better attitude toward myself.
7. I need to get healthy!
8. I need to laugh more!
9. I need to pray more!
10. I need to stop having beat myself down days!

I can do this and I know that I can. I just remembered that I was suppose to find my inner peace this summer and I did not do it. I am hung up on this new transition that I am going through in my life with my children getting older. As a friend of mine wrote in her blog about transitioning with a teenager/adult is Hell. To read her blog on this click here. You don't realize all of the changes that a mother with special needs/disabled children goes through. I get so angry and sad at the same time because I know that my children are growing into fine young adults and later into middle aged adults and so forth. They are not really worried about what their future holds and what is to come but as a parent it is hard to see everything that they are missing out on. Like getting their license, having girlfriends, wife, and children. I have got to pray for God's help to help me get over this next step in my life and to be ready and able to tackle the next stop.

Day 52 Life is Good

Today I am suppose to count my blessing. I do have so many blessing that way out weigh my problems. I have a wonderful, faithful, gorgeous, and supportive husband. I have two of the best sons that God good ever give me! I have good family and friends. God is good to me and my family. I know God is disappointed in me a lot of the time. I have struggled many times giving all of my fears, worries and doubts to God. I know in my heart that God loves me and takes care of me I just need to do a better job in taking care of myself. I look out into the world and see all of the craziness in the world and I wonder what are people thinking? I have got to make a decision if I really want to get healthy and put whole lot more effort into it or not. I need to read my Bible more, pray more and trust my worries to God.

Day 51 going through the process

This really hit home because I know that there is some many more things that I could be doing that I don't. I always am saying I am going to do better, I am going to keep a food journal everyday, I am going to exercise not matter what and many other things. I have gotten where I can not even write in my blog everyday any more. I have written my nephew 2 letters that is in basics in the marines and I have not printed or mailed them yet. I have been going to send in Seth voters registration and I am going to do that today I finally do that after... I won't tell how long LOL! I guess one would said that I am a procrastinator and I am. I try not to put off what I need to do today until another day but I do it a lot. Yesterdays mini challenge was to write down 2 things that I should be doing and have not (the book says tempted not to do).
1. To exercise in some way for 30 mins: Well Monday I moved wood and stacked it and pulled weeds outside for about 2 hrs. On Tuesday I cleaned up the brush from the broken tree and stacked more wood for about 2hrs. Wednesday I went to the pool and I tried running back and forth in the water and some other water exercise all together off and on for about 30 mins. So maybe I did something...
2. Making healthy food choices all of the time. This is the one I really need to do. Every evening I want something sweet. I had a brownie yesterday, and then later I had a special dark candy bar and 4 squares of a mr. goodbar. I also ate baby carrots around 10:00 pm which would not have been bad but I had one chick-fil-la to deep them in. Oh well I have got to get off of here and get a shower I am going to get my hair cut today.

Day 50 Losing Weight saves lives

I know that losing weight can save lives. I am still discouraged. I have not lost any weight since I have started this at the beginning of Summer. I am starting back to work in 5 days and I am so mad at myself. I know that the book has told me to encourage myself and not to give up I am just sick of myself and I have no encouragement for myself.

Day 48 Organizing your food

You know I getting tired of these daily challenges that really don't make any sense to lose weight. How is organizing your food on a shelf with similar food really going to help. I make grocery list sometimes and I follow them but I usually buy what is on sale and what the boys will eat. I just had a thought, maybe if I did organize and follow each step to the tee I might lose 1 lb. Oh crap I am so down and discouraged on this weight loss journey that I have no success with.

Day 49 Not According to Plan

This is something that I allow or some how manages to enter my life often. I have been off the plan for 2 days. I have been so down in the dump and just have not cared if I get anything done. I am just at the edge of giving up but I know if I do then the weight and depression will only grow. I don't want a quick fix! I see all the time new diets, new pills, new gimmick for weight loss. I know that it is a mind set and that you need to portion control everything. I am not giving up I prayed Saturday and Sunday when I was having bad days and gave my pity to God. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I can accomplish anything with the help of God. So I need to get off here and start cleaning up my nasty house and decide which way to cut my hair.

Day 47 Get rid of the Junk

Today is cleaning the junk food out of the fridge, and pantry. I can not bring myself to throw food away I am just working on my ability to just say "NO". I can do it when I sit my mind to it. Today is not a good day for me. I am sleepy, my head is stuffy and I just don't feel good. I would love to get out of the house or go to bed. Sometime I wonder if I am just depressed. I have managed to clean the bathroom, and vacuum the floor in one room, wash a load of clothes, make a jar of pickles, unload/load the dishwasher and make the bed. I have a lot more things to do. I guess I need to get up and do.

Some things about today. This morning I had a hard time waking up. I was so sleepy. I made myself go clean our bathroom, make my bed and vacuum the bedroom and the living room. I then made myself, clean up the kitchen some and I started boiling water to peel some tomatoes. I made some salsa, peeled and canned 2 jars of peaches, and 7 jars of tomatoes. Frankie came in and I told him I was depressed. My head was all stuffy, and I felt sad and fat and not sure what was going on. I told him I wanted to go shopping knowing that this would just make me more depressed buying clothes. I choked down some tears and told him I would be alright. He went and finished up a few more things he needed to do and I finished up some things I needed to finish and he came back and got ready to go. Went and bought some new outfits but I look really fat in them,  but I like them.  I also got some new shoes. Frank pick everything out for me. I love him so much. I told him he was going to start buying stuff for me with out me.

Day 46 Ideas for traveling

I don't really need this because I don't travel. The tip of the day is how to buy healthy food with out emptying the pocketbook. I have been trying to go to a store called Aldis and buy fruit and some veggies. I am also still getting a few veggies from the garden. I was just looking at the Aldi website and they have a whole line of frozen meals and snacks from fit&Active at a reasonable price. I need to go and get some for lunch at school. Speaking of school I am dreading going back to work but I am going to keep praying and hope that everything will work out.

Day 45 What About the Children?

Today is about not feeling guilty of thinking about yourself to get healthy. I don't feel guilty about taking time for myself and I never have. I am with my children 24/7 365 days a year, even when they are at school I am there. I will always be with them because they have fragile x and will never be able to leave on their on. I love my boys and we do a lot together as a family. We do lots of hiking and I try hard to get the boys to eat healthy which is hard when one only wants to eat cream of chicken soup and the other chicken strips. I do manage to get them to eat vegetables sometimes. It is hard to keep them active and eating healthy since most of the time you try to keep peace and make them happy.

Well off of the topic of diet. Last night around 3:00 in the morning we were awoken by a loud house shaking crash. I jumped up out of bed and said oh no a tree has fell I hope it did not fall on anything. We found the flashlight and went out the front door to see what had happen. From the front we could not see anything. So we headed to the back door. Here we found a huge limb the size of a tree on the ground. It did not hit anything and break it thank God! Now we are looking at the cost of getting the tree cut so that it does not fall on anything. This is the second tree that we have lost to the dry and then really wet weather. Frank has been working hard trying to get the chicken house ready for chickens Friday. We took a ride and had a pity party this evening realizing that we need to stop trying to plan and follow my mom's advice of "Vicki Lee stop worrying about tomorrow lets just make it through today." I really dread going back to school/work because of all of the changes that are happening. The world is such a scary. I hate it that Clay loves the beach so much. He has just about drove himself nuts wanting to go back to the beach. Every little bit he is begging "Beachhh, Beaccchhh" I wish we could live at the beach and be happy but he would eventually get tired of it.

Day 44 Making List

Oh I am good at making list but I am not good at following them. LOL I am suppose to write a list of 5 things I need to get done at night to do the next day. Now for my how I spend my time today.
I got up around 9:00 am
brushed teeth and put on clothes.
put Seth some eggs on to boil
sweep the floor
Went to Robbins to get some supplies
fixed I bit to eat and I ate
cleaned the kitchen up and put up my few groceries I bought
got me some watermelon
11:50 turned computer on and checked emails, facebook, and wrote my blog
It is now 12:30 going to make my bed.
I did several things until around 1:30 walked around outside cleaned up the kitchen and a few other things
Then I sit down and ate water melon and watched young and the restless. I did not do a whole lot of other things until around 3 and I cooked supper.
I figured out that I spend more time on the computer and watching tv more than anything I have been a little lazy today. I did about 20 mins of exercise and took a shower then we went out and got a Pepsi max. Since I have been home I have sit on the computer. I guess I don't spend my time to wisely. LOL

Now for the list that I am suppose to make.
Make some breakfast and clean up the kitchen.
Make some salsa and cucumber pickles.
Do my exercise
Take a shower

Day 43 Time Management

This one really hits home. I can not even begin to remember how many times I have said I don't have time to do something. We all have 24 hours of time a day. So the amount of time is not the issue it is the way we use our time. It said to ask yourself these questions: How are you spending the 24 hours of each day that God has given you. Think about how many hours you spend watching tv, surfing the web, shopping, reading, or talking on the phone? Now think about when a friend calls you and invites you to do something fun like going to the beach for the weekend? Just think about how quick you can be ready to go. The tip of the day that I am just know reading I will have to do it tomorrow. That is keeping track of what you do all day.I will do this tomorrow.

Day 42 It takes Work

This is true and I have not been working on my diet. I have been on vacation for a week at the beach and I ate what I wanted to eat. I weighed in this morning and I gain 3 pounds I don't think this was too bad after every thing I ate while at the beach. Starting back today I will start back the work. I have got to purchase me some fruit and veggies and no more fried food. The tip of the day is a reminder of an acronym HALT : Hunger Angry, Lonely, or Tired. These 4 words leave you vulnerable for temptation to binge. Stop and ask yourself: Are you really hungry? Do you need to blow off steam, vent or talk to someone when your mad? Why are you sad or lonely call someone or read the Bible God never leaves you alone. If you are tired or sleepy take a nap don't grab food. I am willing to do the work and I am going to try harder than ever to lose this weight. I would just be happy to lose 20 lbs, 10 lbs, or 5 lbs. I am going to work hard!!!