Friday, November 20, 2015

Day 2

I am on and off today...My day started off pretty good. I got up around 8:00 am and cooked breakfast. It was not long the farmer come in from hunting. My morning was going well until I called my mother in law. I had finally gotten up the nerve to tell her that the farmer had cut our youngest son hair and she did not need to do it. It was like that episode of Andy Griffith when they let aunt Bee have a vacation and she feels like she is no longer needed.

I was telling her about the motivational books that I had purchased and how excited I was about them and she went in to telling me she must be weird but she did not need a book to motivate her to lose weight or to get her closer to God. She was a smart enough woman to lose weight on her on. Oh well I was not trying to make it about her and I am not trying to complain about her but it just made me feel bad.

Well has the day went on we caught up on some shows that we had DVR and decided to take Clay up to the chicken houses to open the back doors up to air them out. We had a nice time out. We feed the cows and went over to the pasture to take a ride on the mule. Good family time. When we got back we decide to go get a Sir pizza and the farmer was going hunting later.

Well around 5:00 pm everything starting falling apart. Seth and I were watching the Young and the Restless and the farmer texted that he has a 4 point on his sights. I hear Clay in the bathroom so I go to see what he is up to. He is in the bathtub and his iPad is sitting beside the tube wet. Panic hits me hard. He has already destroyed one iPad by giving it a bath a few years ago. I pick it up and turn it off immediately. I took it out of its survivor case and start drying it off. During this time I hear a shot. I assume the farmer shot the deer. I texted him to find out but no answer. I finish drying the case the iPad is not wet but I am scared to turn it back on yet. I get Clay dried off and clothes on and get him happy.

I had a quick cry... I am so emotional. I have a so alone feeling. I feel like a failure. I know that I am reading these books trying to boost myself. I know I am not suppose to feel self hate, self pity and why me? I know God don't want to hear my negativity. I am sorry. I should not even be posting this. I am a strong woman and I will get over it. I know that God is with me.

I am in a Mommy's Group at church. I know my children are grown but you also know that they have Fragile X Syndrome. So they need constant guidance.

Anyway the lady that leads the group sent this to us today to read. I have just now had a chance to read it and it really boosted my mood.

Did you know being grateful has the same effect on the brain as the antidepressant Wellbutrin? 
Know what Prozac does? It increases serotonin. So does gratitude. 
Asking and answering, “What am I grateful for?” especially when we’re ready to complain, makes us happier.

Food choice were not great today. Still trying to get my water in.

Mindset shift #1 You are not alone.

Just remember this: You are not alone in this fight. God is with you

Joshua 1:9 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

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