Sunday, November 22, 2015

Day 4 and 5

Tonight I went out with my Mommy's Group to eat. We went to a restaurant called Haley Bails in Siler City NC. 10 of the moms are young moms with little kids and 5 of us are older moms with grown kids. I got to drive the older moms and we had a great time. I am the only woman who ordered steak though all the others ordered some type of chicken. I eat chicken all of the time. I had a rib eye medium and it was perfect.

I have never been to Haley Bails. It looks like a barn on the inside and it has a store in it kind of like Cracker Barrel. I bought myself two Christmas ornaments they are so cute a snowman and a santa clause. I am ready to put my Christmas trees up. 

I am ready to go on our Anniversary date. I hope that Judy and Larry stay well so they will be able to stay with Seth and Clay so we can go. I think we are going back to Haley Bails I want the Farmer to try it out. We are going to do the boys Christmas shopping to. This is a tradition that we have been doing for years.

Well I am still working on getting healthy. Reading my motivation books and preparing myself to healthy by 50.

Mindset Shift #2 See yourself Changed.

This kind of challenge is hard for me in a way. I am not good at imagining being healthy and slim. I like the idea that she tells us to ask God in prayer to show us a vision of your life as a happy, healthy and whole person.

Mindset Shift #3 Expose Dark Thought to the light

Dark thoughts are the thoughts of self-criticism, self-rejection, and reminders of past hurts and separation, or abandonment. She suggest writing a letter to God exposing all of your dark thoughts then burn it or destroy it however you feel fit.

Mindset Shift #4 Redefine "Failure"

This is definitely me. When I don't meet my expectations I always feel like a failure or a quitter.
She tells us that Failure is an event not a person. She gives us the task to Ask why did you not have success? Lack of Planning, lack of knowledge, or are you keeping up same old habits and not trying to make change. Write it down when you fail and pray for Gods wisdom to fill the lack in your approach.

My eating has not been the healthiest this weekend but I am aware of all of this. I am working on my mindset and making better choices.

Thanks for stopping by.

Friday, November 20, 2015

Day 2

I am on and off today...My day started off pretty good. I got up around 8:00 am and cooked breakfast. It was not long the farmer come in from hunting. My morning was going well until I called my mother in law. I had finally gotten up the nerve to tell her that the farmer had cut our youngest son hair and she did not need to do it. It was like that episode of Andy Griffith when they let aunt Bee have a vacation and she feels like she is no longer needed.

I was telling her about the motivational books that I had purchased and how excited I was about them and she went in to telling me she must be weird but she did not need a book to motivate her to lose weight or to get her closer to God. She was a smart enough woman to lose weight on her on. Oh well I was not trying to make it about her and I am not trying to complain about her but it just made me feel bad.

Well has the day went on we caught up on some shows that we had DVR and decided to take Clay up to the chicken houses to open the back doors up to air them out. We had a nice time out. We feed the cows and went over to the pasture to take a ride on the mule. Good family time. When we got back we decide to go get a Sir pizza and the farmer was going hunting later.

Well around 5:00 pm everything starting falling apart. Seth and I were watching the Young and the Restless and the farmer texted that he has a 4 point on his sights. I hear Clay in the bathroom so I go to see what he is up to. He is in the bathtub and his iPad is sitting beside the tube wet. Panic hits me hard. He has already destroyed one iPad by giving it a bath a few years ago. I pick it up and turn it off immediately. I took it out of its survivor case and start drying it off. During this time I hear a shot. I assume the farmer shot the deer. I texted him to find out but no answer. I finish drying the case the iPad is not wet but I am scared to turn it back on yet. I get Clay dried off and clothes on and get him happy.

I had a quick cry... I am so emotional. I have a so alone feeling. I feel like a failure. I know that I am reading these books trying to boost myself. I know I am not suppose to feel self hate, self pity and why me? I know God don't want to hear my negativity. I am sorry. I should not even be posting this. I am a strong woman and I will get over it. I know that God is with me.

I am in a Mommy's Group at church. I know my children are grown but you also know that they have Fragile X Syndrome. So they need constant guidance.

Anyway the lady that leads the group sent this to us today to read. I have just now had a chance to read it and it really boosted my mood.

Did you know being grateful has the same effect on the brain as the antidepressant Wellbutrin? 
Know what Prozac does? It increases serotonin. So does gratitude. 
Asking and answering, “What am I grateful for?” especially when we’re ready to complain, makes us happier.

Food choice were not great today. Still trying to get my water in.

Mindset shift #1 You are not alone.

Just remember this: You are not alone in this fight. God is with you

Joshua 1:9 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Day 1 of getting my mindset for weight loss success

         I am so thankful that God is in my life and through a friend he has introduced me to this wonderful author Kimberly Taylor. I just found another book that I think I could use in my new christian weight loss journey. When I read the book Food Triggers it got me reconnected with God and made me understand food addictions are like drug and alcohol or any other kinds of things that are addictive. I have to admit though before I started reading Kimberly Taylor book I did not truly understand how you could possible use God's help on a weight loss journey. I like how she describes that our bodies our temples and that we should do everything in our power to keep it healthy. She is not telling us that God cares what size we our he loves us no mater what.

I have had a good day mentally but I could have done better with my eating.

Breakfast: Protein Cranberry Almond Oatmeal
Lunch: Smartone Roasted Herb Chicken
Supper: 4 Zaxby chicken fingers and 2 slaws
Snack: sugar free fat free banana pudding, peppermint patty, some dry frosted flakes, 1/2 bag popcorn

I have not exercise or have I drank enough water. Snacks are what I need to get under control.

I got to go shopping today and got me some new tops and some legging with a sweater dress. This helped my feelings a lot. I don't like to shop but when I find something I like and looks alright on me it makes me happy.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015


Do you ever want to write a blog post but just end up deleting it. I have started a entry 4 times in the last 2 weeks and I have deleted all of them. I have to admit that I am in a fog. It is like I am living and our life is going right on but not me.

My mother in law has had sciatica nerve in her back this started the end of August. The sciatica turned into shingles that happened in October. Next she got bronchitis which turned into pneumonia. That put her in the hospital for a week and today is the first day she has been released to go out in  the world but I worry that she did to much.

The Farmer's grandma has had some mini strokes that put her in the hospital and ending up with her being put into a rest home. During all of this the Farmer's uncle has been diagnosed with stage 4 small cell lung cancer and has not been given long to live. I have also been worried about my aunt Betty taking care of her husband. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer  and Palsy. He is now in a wheel chair. She lives to far away to help her out. I hate that my family is so far away and that all I have is excuses why I can not visit. Mind you they are true excuses. We are chicken farmers and we are only out of chicken for about 3 weeks before we get more. During the time we are out we have to get ready to get chickens back.

Also we have the dreaded fragile x that looms over us at times. I have been proud of them both lately being able to go into the hospital to visit mamaw and rest home to visit grandma. Today was not a good day of fragile x for my youngest and he had a meltdown because I could not get the old laptop to work right to change movies on his iPod up. I have to say I had sort of a meltdown myself.

There is so much going on in the world that is crazy. So many friends being diagnosed with cancer and also people we know from tv. I dislike election years and all of the debates and lies that we have to listen to.

So when I whine and feel like crap I feel horrible because so many others are suffering and sick. I feel selfish and depressed. I have been feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I can feel myself falling back into the rut of anger and harden heart. I am still reading my bible but I have skipped a day. I know that is not a sin but I don't want to be slack. I have been trying to pump myself back up. I have been reading daily devotions. I am grateful and I thank God everyday for everything he does for me and my family. I pray everyday for his guidance, his support and protection. I know that I will get through this with his help.

Oh yeah I changed the tile of my blog because I once again am trying to commit to getting healthy by the time I am 50. I am reading a new book Daily Weight loss Scriptures 30 daily devotionals for weight loss motivation. I am hoping by the first of the year I can get myself together and get the scales moving down again. I am still working on the Trim Healthy Mama, with a little weight watchers and counting calories all mixed together. I am not walking as much as I was with the weather changing and my mood. I feel like I make 1 step forward and 3 steps back. Oh well I am starting to ramble.

Thanks for stopping by.
God be with you all and pray for me and I will pray for you

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Writing Challenge Days 8, 9, and 10

Day 8: A Book I loved and One that I don't love

I would have to say my favorite author is Nicholas Spark. I love his books and have read all of the ones he has out except the newest one. I can not pick just one that I love more than another. I can not remember a name of a book that I just hate. I have started several over the years I just never got into and did not finish reading. I can say one of my favorite children book is "Are You My Mother" PD Eastman. I know this book by heart.

Day 9: Your Feeling on Ageism

I had to look this word up.
    Ageism (also spelled "agism") is stereotyping and discriminating against individuals or groups on the basis of their age. This may be casual or systematic. The term was coined in 1969 by Robert Neil Butler to describe discrimination against seniors, and patterned on sexism and racism.
    I can say that after looking the word up I do not like it. I don't like anything that discriminates against or bullies anyone. We are all God's Children and he loves each and everyone  of us. So what gives any mortal on earth the power to treat anyone less than themselves.  
    In reality we should all honor the older population and try to learn life lessons from their experienced years. I wish everyday that I would have asked my grandmothers more questions and documented in some way to always remember. I find it so sad that people give up, push aside or not even acknowledge what an older adult has to offer in society. We all need to advocate for them. Prisoners are treated better for free than what senior citizens are treated. So many do with out and die with out a tear shed. How sad.

    Day 10: A Fruit that you dislike
    I do not like avocados.  I personally think they taste like dirt. 

    Alright after catching up on the writing challenge I am not a writer and I know that I never will be. I don't have what it takes to draw out or make a story interesting, but I do love to try. 

Writing Challenge days 4, 5, 6, and 7

Day 4: 10 Interesting Facts About Me

1. That I have very good intentions but I don't always follow through with them or it may take me awhile but I will get to them.

2. That deep inside I am really not as independent as I would like to think I am or that others think I am.

3. That a lot of time of feel alone and that I am learning to trust that God is always with me that he is never leaving me alone.

4. That the R-Word offends me and I hate to hear people say it. (retard)

5. That I hate going to the funeral home because it brings back to many memories of my parents.

6. That I want a house dog or cat so bad I could cry.

7. That I love shoes but hate buying them because my foot is so big. Size 11 by the way.

8. That I read my Bible everyday and pray for everything...

9. That I wish that bulling and hatred was a thing of the past.

10. That I wish I could do more but I don't know how.

Day 5: A Place you would love to live but have never visited

I have always thought I would love to live in Colorado. I have never been there but the pictures on tv are beautiful. I was dreamed as a child leaving in a log cabin looking out over the mountain. I have never been there and now days I am not so sure I would want to live there for the fact that marijuana is legal. Oh well. I would really rather stay in NC and visit the mountains and go to the beach.

Day 6: Someone Who Fascinates Me and Why?

I would have to say that my children fascinate me more than anyone. I would love to be inside their heads for one day trying to figure out exactly what makes them tick. I would love to see how the wheels are turning when they have something on their minds and trying to figure out the best way to communicate it to us. I know that it would hurt me if I could really do this because I might find out things I really don't want to know.

I loved my job working with disabled students and seeing the joy in their eyes when it clicks. The pride they have and the joy that it gives me. I hope that in God plan for me that I will get to do this again one day.

Day 7: Tattoos you have and meanings

I don't have a tattoo and I never plan on having one. If I did get one I would want a symbol of fragile x honoring my boys.

Day 3: First Love or First Kiss....

I don't have a memory of this. I don't have any cute stories of childhood loves or crushes. I will share this one story with you that has always stuck in my mind. I was in jr. high school and we lived in Rockingham. My mom did her grocery shopping at Bi-Lo grocery store and I loved going with her because back then we had bag boys. Some really cute bag boys. I would beg my mom everyday to go to the grocery store to see the boys. I know I drove her crazy but one day the cutes one kissed me in the bathroom and I was so giddy that I know I was glowing when I walked out. My mom thought I was crazy, but I never forgot.....

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Day 2 My Earliest Memory....

A memory.... let see. I have a tiny brief memory of falling down the babysitters stairs and breaking my collar bone when I was two. I think most of my memories come from when I was 4-5 years old living in Ramsuer. We lived in a blue and white single wide trailer. I had a dog name brownie and my dad had horse and I had a pony. There are a lot of memories of playing and have fun out in the country.

I remember one time I decided I wanted to ride my pony. Daddy was not at home and mama was in the house. I went outside my pony just happened to be standing at the gate in the pasture. I climb up on the gate and got on him. He walked around for a minute and decided to go into the barn where he decided to stop right behind my dad's big horse. My dad had taught me not to stand behind a horse because it would kick you, but my pony would not move. I started screaming for my mama to come and rescue me. I was screaming and crying by the time she heard me and came and rescued me. I was not in any real danger but I was young and scared.

I also remember a tabby cat that my paw paw gave me. I named him kitty-tom. Paw paw had also gave me a big red flash that I would shine on the wall and kitty tom would chase it. I have hunted for pictures of my pony and the trailer we lived in but without success.

Thanks for stopping by.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Five problems with social media

 I have gotten really slack on doing a blog entry. I found this on Facebook and I decided to do a 30-day writing challenge. I hope that this will help me focus on other areas in my life also.

Five problems with social media is the topic for day one. I think the very first thing is bulling. So many use social media to bully others. They say mean things to people and some of the comments can be so hurtful that it pushes the person to kill either themselves or others. People are have lost their empathy and that is so sad to me.

The second thing wrong with social media is that you find out things on social media before family members or others find out. Everyone has always got a camera and ready to video and post before it is ever known in the news or to family. It has tore apart people lives, put them in jail, loss of jobs and embarrassment because of someone with a camera and social media.

The third thing I find wrong with social media is it is taking away from face to face time with people. Young people do not know how to communicate without a text or through social media. They ask for dates or break up with you and it is all done through technology. People do not know how to carry on a conversation and majority do not even pick a phone up and talk on it anymore. Write a letter on just talk to someone in person. They also losing family time because everyone is using a electronic device and not talking.

The fourth thing I find wrong with social media is a lot of times it makes the world seem a lot better or a lot worse than it really is. A mom that might be struggling trying to be a good mom and do a lot of stuff with their children and family and wanting to publish it on step by step with pictures to do for and the best captions ever to make their family look the best. It is like a video or photo op every time you turn around. Oh look they have been to the beach, they go somewhere every weekend. Making one jealous and depressed.

The fifth thing I find wrong with social media that it is a distraction in the car while driving. Everyone practically has a internet device in their vehicles and they find it necessary to talk on the phone from the minute they get into the car until they get out. They text, post, snap,  chat and what ever else that can be done on social media. It is so dangerous to be doing all of these things while trying to drive at the sam time. It is scary.

These are the things I find wrong with social media and I am guilty of some of the things myself. Even sitting here blogging is social media time taking away from my family. I would never in my life time ever bully anyone and I would stand up for anyone they is being bully. I hate this evil in the world.  I try hard not to use my phone while I am driving a car. Most of the time I usually use the car as my quite place to think and regroup. I have been guilty of texting instead of calling but a lot of the time it is because the person will not answer the phone. I would always rather talk than text.

I will admit I love Facebook. I have connection with family and friends that I might not ever see or talk to. I have gotten to know a few cousin that I may not have never known if it was not for Facebook. It is a good way to keep up with people and share a little bits and pieces of your lives. I also enjoy it for support and for a stay at home mom and house wife so far it has been a great way to staying connected with the outside world. I know a contradiction  in some sorts. Oh well thinks for reading my  blog.