Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Day 37 Make up Your Mind

It is time to make up your mind if you want to change your the video of something negative that has happened in your life. Such as when a time in your life that something happened and you stressed yourself over it and then you turned to food for comfort. I am sure that this is one of the reasons that I am over weight. I had a up and down childhood, being raised with an alcoholic father, and a mother that loved him. We all loved him, he was not violent, he did like to fuss, criticize, and move us around a lot but he was never mean. He did give me heartache, stress and lots of worrying about him. I loved him and some of the times when he was drunk is when we were the closes. I have lots of things in my life that trigger my ups and downs and I do have a tendency to have pity parties on occasions. I have turned to food many times when I am sad, mad, bored, aggravated and low as I can go. I have eaten until something is gone, just because it was there. I have been trying to get things like this out of my mind. I really need to work on my heart and get all of my anger out of me, from losing my parents six months apart, to getting the diagnose of Fragile X syndrome a few months later, and other things that only God knows about in my heart. No this is not secrets that I have kept from my family but stuff that I don't want to put on a blog. I told a co-worker that I was going to find my inner peace over the summer but I have not gotten there yet. I still have about a month to do this. I need to get on my knees and pray a lot and get right with me and God. I have been going through a lot after I took this religion class I took in the spring semester.  I have been trying to get myself back to where I belong without doubt. I am also in turmoil on weither I want to continue to go to college and get my four year degree. I got to figure out how long I want the boys to continue going to school another 2 years with Seth and another 5 years. I am not sure how it is going to work out with everything changing at school. I have so many things that are weighing heaving on me and I need to turn it all over to the Lord and stop worrying.

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