Sunday, July 29, 2012

Day 41 Take Care of your health

I am trying hard to take care of my health. I am doing it for myself and for my family. I don't want to be sickly as I get older. I want to be able to do and move as much as I can!

Day 40 Giving up is not an option

It is day 40 and it is telling me not to give up. Well I am not going to give up but I do feel like I am not getting anywhere with this diet. We have been at the beach for 1 day  and I have been enjoying eating and not trying to go over board but not resisting some of my favorite foods. I am going to try to do a little exercise tonight. 

Friday, July 27, 2012

Day 39 Cha Cha Cha Changes

Well I think I have covered this in almost all of my blog entries. I have had enough change in my life and a lot of it I did not ask for but I have learned to live with it. I have been going through some other things lately and not sure what decisions I should make. My biggest dilemma right now is whether I should finish school??? I am so sick of being stressed with school work, work work and taking care of my home and family. I have truly enjoyed not having homework and not working and being lazy this summer.I wish God would give me a sign that finishing college is what I really need to do. I will not be done at the rate I am going until I am 50 years old. I feel like I am wasting some really good years in my life worrying about school work and taking test and writing papers. Please God tell me what direction I need to go. I am worried about what is going to happen this year at school. I am already feeling stress from that how the new principal will be, the new teacher and all of the changes with my insurance and money (check) is disappearing and I will not have enough to pay my bills starting in August. I trust that God will help me and lead me in the right directions with all of these things. Well My stomach is not feeling good today, I have got to get finished cleaning the house, work in some exercise and pray. I am very sleepy and achy today also. Please God give me the energy to do what I need to do today. Amen!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Day 38 It is time to change the Tape

Well it looks like I got yesterday and today's mixed up. I need to changed the tape but it keeps rewinding over and over in my head. It is hard to change the tape of life when you make the best of it but it rewinds by it's self when it gets to the end just like in a video player. In 25 years nothing mind blowing to the good has happened in our lives. We live day to day in this crazy world that is spinning around us we can not hide from it, we can not change it all we can do is hold on tight and hope that we don't fall off. I pray everyday for all of the craziness that goes on in this world today. I pray for the leaders, the sick, the elder, the unsaved, and my family and friends. I know that God is the only one that can save us and lead us down the right path. I know the Bible tells us not to worry that God will provide. I know that all of these things are true but why do I stay so down. I use to could pick myself up and shake my self off and be happy. Now days it is almost impossible to make it through the day with out feeling sad. I don't really think that I am depressed I just feel like there is no end to this discouragement I feel about life. I have always had a 5 year plan to look forward to progress but I don't even have that any more. I did not accomplish my last 5 year plan and I don't even want to look ahead anymore. There is a little less than 2 years for one of our family goals to be met but the struggle to get there and now knowing the tax penalties when we get there makes it not a happy thing. The worse thing we have done as a family is take over the chicken houses. We are so deep in debt that we only work to pay bills. There is no money left for anything else. So depressing. Oh well I have gotten of topic of changing the tape for my health. With all of the other discouraging things that are going on in my life it is hard to even care about my health especially  when you have not lost any weight with all the effort that I have been putting into it. I will not give up I will not give up! I will not give up! I will not let the Devil win!
I am going to exercise.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Day 37 Make up Your Mind

It is time to make up your mind if you want to change your the video of something negative that has happened in your life. Such as when a time in your life that something happened and you stressed yourself over it and then you turned to food for comfort. I am sure that this is one of the reasons that I am over weight. I had a up and down childhood, being raised with an alcoholic father, and a mother that loved him. We all loved him, he was not violent, he did like to fuss, criticize, and move us around a lot but he was never mean. He did give me heartache, stress and lots of worrying about him. I loved him and some of the times when he was drunk is when we were the closes. I have lots of things in my life that trigger my ups and downs and I do have a tendency to have pity parties on occasions. I have turned to food many times when I am sad, mad, bored, aggravated and low as I can go. I have eaten until something is gone, just because it was there. I have been trying to get things like this out of my mind. I really need to work on my heart and get all of my anger out of me, from losing my parents six months apart, to getting the diagnose of Fragile X syndrome a few months later, and other things that only God knows about in my heart. No this is not secrets that I have kept from my family but stuff that I don't want to put on a blog. I told a co-worker that I was going to find my inner peace over the summer but I have not gotten there yet. I still have about a month to do this. I need to get on my knees and pray a lot and get right with me and God. I have been going through a lot after I took this religion class I took in the spring semester.  I have been trying to get myself back to where I belong without doubt. I am also in turmoil on weither I want to continue to go to college and get my four year degree. I got to figure out how long I want the boys to continue going to school another 2 years with Seth and another 5 years. I am not sure how it is going to work out with everything changing at school. I have so many things that are weighing heaving on me and I need to turn it all over to the Lord and stop worrying.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Day 36 Mini Goals

Today I am suppose to look back at my day 4 mini-goals and tweak them.
1. drink more water
2. exercise at least 5 times a week
3. make better eating choices
4. journal every day
5. most important PRAY

The first one I have accomplish and will continue drinking water. The second one I am still working on I exercise at least 3 to 4 times a week and I am working on getting more in I just hate to exercise, but I got to remember that I am suppose to be thinking positive and look at the at how strong and how much better I will feel losing this weight. The 3rd one I make better eating choices most of the time but not always sometimes I get to craving sweets and I have been making low-sugar peach &blueberry cobbler yummy. I have been eating fried chicken strips from hardee's but I made some at home and used olive oil. I do journal everyday and I do pray everyday. I have not lost much weight only about 4lbs. but I am not giving up. My mini- goal from now until school starts is to lose 10lbs. I am going to try every way possible to do this.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.”

A little personal stuff. Yesterday we went to the zoo. I have been promising Clay all summer that I would take him to the zoo. He really don't want just the zoo... he wants to go to the zoo and then go to goodwill and get a book or movie and then something to eat. He got his wish yesterday.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Day 35 Your Truth or the truth

When I was in High school I was told by a teacher that I did not have any "self-discipline" He posted it in all of my classes so that I could see it. I think somewhere in my mind this has stuck. Just like Phil in talking about in this challenge that he was call a quitter when he was young that he started believing it. I have not had a lot of success with things I start I got real close to getting lifetime with weight watchers one time but I quit and eventually gained it all back plus 10 more pounds. I can not get 1 pound off anymore. I just don't know what to do. I can work on changing the way I think and I hope that I can get at least 10 pounds of before school starts.
 Word to the wise: 1) Change how you think about food. It is merely fuel for the body. It won't make you happy, and it won't de-stress your life. and 2) Don't quit. No matter what happens, the time goes by, and if you quit, the time will still go by and you won't be any closer to your goal. Even if it seems the scale is standing still, remember, you are now maintaining a lower weight than you were. This is practice for when you get to maintenance.

                                                           Tips to Lose Weight

For today's mini challenge I was suppose to read the Bible and find 5 scriptures that makes you see that God believes in you.

Philippians 4:13 

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Psalm 139:13-14 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:1-24 

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. ...

Acts 20:35

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Luke 10:27
The man answered, ” `You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” 

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Day 34 What's your Strategy?

"The thoughts you think and the beliefs you have will determine the directions in your life is headed." This is from the book of the ninety day challenge.
1. Imagine: imagine what your life will be like when you reach your goals What will you look like? What will it feel like to buy clothes in a smaller size? What will it feel like to be able to run a race? Imagine with the confidence that those things will come pass.
2. Tell yourself it's your idea. Tell yourself all the time that you love to exercise, you love eating healthy, you love, that you love doing what ever it takes to get healthy. If you tell yourself these things long enought you will really start liking to do them.
3. Watch your mouth. Beware of the negative that comes out of your mouth. This is very hard for me. The more I try to be positive the more things seem to go wrong. Sometimes I thing I am doomed!!
4. Remember your blessings. So many people are less fortunate that you are. I believe in this and I try to live by it but as I say in number 3 I have a hard time with it. I am really good at having a good pity party.
examples: a few days of crappy days leads to depressed woman!!
I know that there are more people in this world are a lot worse off than me. like the people that were fighting for their lives in the movie theater. People who are sick, people who have lost their arm, legs or ability to move. There are people who are homeless, have no food, or water. I know that I am truly blessed but.... I always have a but. I am human and I am sad, and I feel all alone sometimes and I .... just need to feel sorry for myself. The mini-challenge is to try to reverse this mind change. I need to really work on this and get my life in a better place. I am not sure how to go about this but I am going to pray and try to work it out. Maybe  I need to try what a blogger friend of mine is going to do. Write letters to God and change my attitude and try to find the good in everything. How do you do this???? 

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Day 33 Friends Stick Together

I am down to no friends. I use to have lots of friends to go on diets with but life gets busy and people go on with their lives. Don't get me wrong I have work friends but none of them want to lose weight. I need more friends but, no one wants to make time to be friends everyone is busy in their own little lives. This world and every part of it as gone berserk. Night before last at a movie theater in Aurora CO. a 24 year old man comes in and starts shooting and let out gas to confuse the people in the theater. How is this fair? I am sick of the craziness that is happening in this world. My nephew who is turning 18 years old today as been in the marines for one week. He is just a baby and all I can think about is that stupid movie Full metal jacket. I pray every night for him and all of the other service men that are protecting us everyday. We find so many things to complain about every day but is are life really that bad. We love feeling sorry for ourselves but if we just rely on God we would be so much better off.  

Friday, July 20, 2012

Day 32 Make time to Recover

I have caught up on my sleep and rest now it time to make this next 30 days really count. I also have around 30 days when school starts back. I so wanted to lose some weight before then. I want to be able to get back into my clothes for the winter when we have to start wearing pants. I measured yesterday and I have lost an .5 inch on the parts that I measured except my arm. Oh well I think I will go and exercise.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Day 31 Just a day in the Park

Okay, As a family we hike and go to a lot of parks, but we don't always eat healthy. Today's challenge is to plan outdoor activities this week. Well no doubt I can do that. Yesterday we went to Morrow Mountain and walk down a trail, but we ate at Hardee's not a very healthy option. Today we went to the pool and we came back by Hardee's again today. The boys do eat chicken and small fries, and yesterday I had a big twin and today I had a little thick burger with fries. I don't know how we could get   healthier choices for the boys they only want chicken tenders were ever you eat out. They are not to big on veggies, cheese, bread, or much of anything that is good for you. I know I am giving excuses I can eat healthy and try to get some healthier choice in for the boys. Ok!! Healthier food!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Day 30 Mix up the Cardio

Well I went to walk on my treadmill yesterday after I got off of here and the phone rang 2 times and that made Clay get mad and I never did get on the treadmill. I found that the last 2 day I have not done anything. I have just been on a pity party. i complain more than I do something about it!! and this picture tells it all. I guess I should shut up if I am not going to do anything about it, but then again I have been trying for 30days and I have not lost any weight. I think when I get back from the beach I am going to make a doctors appointment. I can not keep going like this. I am going to get off of here and try to get something done. I hope that we get to leave this house today. I just wish someone would donate to the Garner fund.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Day 29 AMP it up

Today challenge is to amp up my work out. I down loaded some new faster music yesterday. I am going to walk on the treadmill and see if I can get moving.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Day 28 Let's get moving

My plans for this week is to count every drop of food and make sure I do not over eat and to walk 30 mins everyday for one week if I don't lose any weight this week I am going to the doctor. I am back and I refuse to let this fat take over my life!! I am not giving up!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Day 27 What about weights?

Weight training??? I have almost totally given up. I have not lost any weight I am so sore and ache for days even after I walk. I don't want to give up I want to lose this weight. My challenge for this week is to lose a pound. I am going to just cry. I wanted so badly to have at least have lost 20 lbs this summer or 10. Please help me!!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Day 26 I am an Athlete

I have never really played a sports I never had the confidence or felt like I had the ability to run or throw from. I like to play for fun now but I still would never be on a real team because of age, size, and time. The challenge wants me to think about something that I am driven at. Well the only thing that has always driven me is being an advocate for my sons. I have fought for my sons education and needs every since they entered the school system. Now that they are older I do not worry about it like I use to because they are at an age that we can leave the school system and not look back. Well the challenge wanted me to think of things that would motivate me but I am in a place that I don't quite recognize anymore. I titter on the each of giving up and not caring anymore. This is not just in the diet part of my life but all aspects of my life. I have got to try to get out of the funk. We will see. 

Friday, July 13, 2012

Day 25 Shedding pounds and having fun

The challenge for today is to encourage someone today who needs it. Well I will try to accomplish this sometime today but I am the one who needs encouragement. I am so down in the dumps and I thing that my hormones are so out of whack that I am about to lose control!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Day 24 Hope Floats

This topic sounds like you have hope don't give up but it dose not have anything to do with hope it is all about a bowel movement and whether it sinks or float. My book tells me if it "floats" then you are getting plenty of fiber in your diet, if it sinks then you need more. It also tells me that you should have at least 2 to 3 bowel movements a day. I am lucky if I get one LOL! This is a kind of disgusting topic but like my granny always said everyone does it. We need to get twenty-five to thirty grams of fiber a day. I need to check today and see how much fiber I am getting in my diet to $#!+ more than one time a day!

We went back to Bible school last night and Clay behaved. Joan invited us to eat supper with her a Subway before VBS then Clay got to ride in her car which made is day. We also made sure we took Woody head and hat. He rode the horse and wagon with the class and did not have to have me ride with him. I have moments that take me back and make me feel horrible and mad, then I have a glimmer of proud moments that make me forget the bad. Tonight is the last night and the program I hope that Clay will sit up there by himself.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Day 23 Shake the Salt

The challenge for today is to remove salt from your diet. I don't have a lot of trouble with this but I just ate 2 packs of instant butter grits and they are full of sodium. I posted on facebook weight watchers page about how I am not losing weight. They gave me tips about not eating so many fruits and I do eat a lot of fruit. I have been out of fruit for about a week now, but I am out of healthy foods to. I have got to buy groceries and get back to exercising. I need to do better.

Ok now a little about life. We have been going to VBS this week and Clay and Seth have been enjoying it. Last night Clay had to act out and we had to leave. I could not get him to go out of the building and had to go and get Joan to help me. All over a Woody head with his hat. I was so aggravated I could not stand my self. I wish just once that someone understood that does not have fragile x children. Oh well I guess I need to get off of here and try to walk on the treadmill. I hate the treadmill..... Why can't their be an more exciting exercise.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Day 22 Supersize me Not

Portion size, you know where you only eat meat the size of a deck of cards. Eat the size of a cd, or palm of your hand or the first knuckle on your thumb. I know these sizes but it is impossible to eat this small amount of   food when our lives revolve around food. I know the whole purpose of this I just can not lose weight I don't know what I am doing wrong???? I am so sick of being fat but you get so discouraged when you try and try and don't lose not even one pound!!! What do I do?? I have taken weight medication and it does not seem to work, I have been journaling and it does not work and I am not in the mood to starve.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Day 21 Eating Healthy when Eating out!

Well I did not eat healthy today when I eat out at the cow sale I had a cheeseburger all the way and it was delicious! I had a few fries with it also but I gave most of them away. I eat a chewy cookie at Judy and Larry's and then I made an hotdog all the way when we got home and I had 2 of them. I had peach ice and I am out of splenda so I had to use sugar. I am not doing to well on my diet today but I am not planning on eating anything else today. I am not sure how many points I eat today. Oh well there is always tomorrow.

We got up early and went to the cow sale. When we got home Judy gave Seth, Clay and Frankie a hair cut. We ran to Dollar General and got a few groceries to try to make it until Friday. We are going to VBS this week at Smyrna Church.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Day 20 It is okay to be Fruity!

Day 20 is about eating fruit. I do this I eat lots of fruit because on weight watchers fruit is 0 points. I eat fruit for breakfast, snacks, and dessert. I love fruit and I need to go purchase some real soon my stash is getting low. 

Well know that we all know that I love fruit, let me tell you about somethings that are going on in my life. Let's see it has been so hot that you can not even stand to go out of the house for 5 seconds. We have not had any rain that you can say was a rain in over a month going on two. I have been so discouraged and depressed with my weight loss that is not even losing a pound. I am aching from walking on the treadmill I beginning think that it is irritating by lower back and my leg sockets. I am so tired of worrying about money, and how we are going to have enough money to take vacation and pay bills and make it until next payday. I am tired of not having any of my family to spend time together with or even talk on the phone to. I am tired of everyone trying to be better than thou are or thinking they are entitled. I know that I sound like I am complaining and I might be but I am no were close to thinking I am better than any one else. I write this blog but not for everyone to see what a good person I am or what a bad person I am. I am just tired of people they are nuts.  Oh well 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Day 19 Be sure to Eat

I don't have any trouble eating that is not a problem. My problem is eating to much all day long. I don't skip meals but I like to eat. Like for instance this morning I had 2 slices of bacon, 1 egg and 1or 2 pks of instant butter grits. It always seems like food like this leaves me hungry so I eat 2 peaches and then I was not hungry any more. I drank water with my breakfast I read hear recently that you are dehydrated when you wake up in the morning and that you should have 8 oz of water before you drink anything else, so I have been trying to do this. I need to go today and get some fruit I am running out. I have got to get my green beans strung so I need to get off of here and do that. I might come back later. 

Friday, July 6, 2012

Day 18 Bad Words

Reading food labels. I don't always do this but I have. I try not to eat a lot of prepackaged food, but I do love hamburger helper, tacos, and cereal. I sometimes pick cereal because I like it. I try to eat more food that I have canned because I know what is in it. I know that prepackaged food has a lot of preservatives in it that I have no clue what they are. They are probably bad words but I am more accused of saying bad words LOL. Well lets go walk on the treadmill. I feel like taking a nap. I am so tired and sleepy.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Day 17 A Drinking Problem

I sometimes have a drinking problem because water can get so boring and I want a drink! I am so addicted to Pepsi Max it is not even funny I have to have one every evening. I know that it is a diet drink with more caffeine than other drinks but I love them!! At least I am only drinking one a day. I do drink water the rest of the time. I had thought about making some tea this morning I would love a big glass of ice tea but I don't drink it up fast enough to make a gallon and It is like I don't want but that one glass and I want it made with real sugar!! Oh well. I will stick to water for the day and try to break my Pepsi Max habit.

Now about life. I thought today was going to be a bad day I woke up to a bad mood Clay. He was angry this morning because he has been stuck in the house to many days other than running to Whynot or Dollar G. He has been wanting to go to Goodwill for about a week now. So Pawpaw came and got Seth for a little while and I took Clay to Goodwill. He was so happy and well behaved. He found three vhs and we bought them and all the way home he was talking away to me telling me thank you, and telling me about the movies. I love this baby boy of mine. I know he is not a baby anymore he is almost 17 but to me he is still my baby boy.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Day 16 Food Journaling

Today the challenge wants me to keep a food journal for 30 days. I have kept my promise to keep it for a week so far and maybe I have gotten myself in the habit now to continue on. I hoping for a very happy fourth of July I may be back and share more about my day later. Well I have been so tired today. I did not do very much exercise today. I went to the mall and walked around and I walked with my family this afternoon but not as far as usual. I am going to do my best to my little exercise regiment that I found online. I lost another pound this today and I hope that I did not put it back on for having a bad day. I have been very hungry this evening and knowing that there is a box of chocolate poptarts in the the pantry is driving me insane. I have followed my day 16 challenge of praying instead of eating. So far I have not eaten the poptarts. I did stay under my points today even though I had more than yesterday. Well I will get off of here and see you in the morning.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Day 15 Food is Fuel

Today the challenge is to only eat food to fuel our bodies don't use food as an medication to fix all that is going on in our lives. You know I never understood this until I was in my later 20 and after I had children. I would gain weight but I could always lose back down if I tried. I always knew that we as humans have used food when we are happy or sad. To celebrate something special or to honor someone. we use it to comfort our feelings, and to make all problems of the world to go away. I think about my father and his addiction with alcohol and know truly understand that I have a food addiction just like he did with alcohol. I am coming to find out that I am more and more like my daddy the older I get. I don't have the cravings to drink alcohol but I do crave food all of the time and when it taste really good I want more even though I can barley move because I am so full. I eat because I want comfort, or I want something I can control but not really control. Does this make since? I can and I can't control food. I can eat all I want for spit, for anger and just because I am not going to let anyone tell me I can not eat it or I thought you were on a diet. I don't have control when it comes to eating just because when supposedly nothing is wrong and I am happy. I need to really work on this problem. I need to eat food for fuel instead of being an emotional eater.I need to really take control and use food properly for fuel and treat my body the way God intended us to do. When I get ready to eat I need to ask myself if I am eating because I am hungry of if I am trying to feel an empty spot in my heart that should be filled with God instead of food. The book tells me to use this technique over and over that it will be hard at first but I will soon learn that food is for fuel not a way to make us happy. I will work of this because it is important to me to take control of food in my life even if I have to learn to take it one day at a time just like my mom tried to enforce into my brain for years. I thing I will try this and see if I can succeed. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Day 14 It is Possible ????

What a title for today. I don't feel like nothing is possible today. I am so depressed today. I am feeling really trapped and buried under with no way out just a little light of hope shining dimly through a crack and you can hear the crumbling of the earth slowly moving trying to snuff out this little light of hope...
Today's story is not even motivational to me today. It is about a 20 year old with no marriage, children or a real adult life. She has time to exercise, to buy all healthy food and to get out and play. I feel horrible about complaining when I know that there are millions of people out there and several of them I know personally that are going through things a whole lot harder than being fat, having their health and children that are so called "normal" and will grow up go off to college, and get married, and hopefully have grandchildren and bring them to visit. I get jealous sometimes reading facebook and seeing my friends have a girls night out to go shopping, out to eat or watch a movie. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with my family but I have gotten to a place in my life when it like I have no friends. Every one that was my friend their children have grown up, and they don't have to worry about somebody watching them. They  have their lives with their friends and husband and don't have time for defected "Vicki". Oh well I need to get off this pitty party.
My challenge today is to get a basket ball and dribble it for ten minutes. Yipey!! I am so exicited. I guess I am going to have to make myself more depressed and just stop eating anything that taste like food. Oh well lets go find the basket ball.

 Here is the basketball. It is hard to dribble and take a picture. I can not believe I went out and bounced a ball for 10minutes. I have to say I don't feel quite as depressed but I did get hot. Maybe I should go walk on the treadmill or pick a room to clean. I hate doing either one.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Dat 13 Don't Look Back

Well my challenge for today is to not look back at all of the things that I regret or that I could have done different. Oh I have many things that I could have done different or wish I never did at all or even wonder why did I do or start this? I try to look at some of them as life's little lessons, such as my 1st marriage. Other things like money decisions. I am horrible at managing money. I wish when I lost 60 lbs 6 years ago I would have kept if off instead of gaining it all back plus 10 more pound taking me the whole 6 years to do it but I did!!! Not going to college when I was young instead of trying to do it now with a family, a job and being old and tired.(not to old LOL). One more look back decision I made and still not sure if it was the right one is school decisions for my boys. Alright the second part of the challenge is to vow to God not to let these mistakes to dictate your life today. So my vow is to be the best person I can be NOW and for the rest of time. We are only human and we are suppose to make mistakes and learn from them. My life's little lesson I really feel like God helped with the this decision and sent me in the right direction with it. I asked him for forgiveness an I know in my heart he answered this prayer. As far as the decision I have made in my children's life I feel like God helped me with this also because after getting the Fragile X diagnoses I gave my children to God and asked him to help me be their earthly mom. As for the weight gain this is ridiculous and I worry that maybe I just am not suppose to be skinny healthy or feel good about myself. No I don;t really believe this. I don't feel like this is something that I need to be bothering God with but maybe it is. Sometimes I thing I have convinced myself that I am suppose to be like my mother. That I am not suppose to be happy, lose weight and keep it off, be healthy, and die young. These words hurt my heart and soul as I think them or type them. I need to be healthy and be her as long as possible for my boys. I don't want to leave them until I am really old I mean really, really old. So please Dear God, I pray that you help me get healthy and stay that way for me and my family. Please help me be the best person I can be for my family, friends, and my job. Please help me find that happy place and stay in that zone more than my pity party zone. Please help me be a strong woman, and take care of the people I love but most important take care of me.


1 Corinthians 6: 15, 19-2015 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.