Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Dream a little Dream

I have tried several times to do this 90-day Fitness Challenge but like most things in my life I have not had any success with it or should I said I have not followed all the way through to the end with it. Let's see if their is any way possible that I can a accomplish this challenge this summer. The 1st day mini-challenge is to write down your dreams. Lets see my dreams when I was a child was to grow up and be a mom, a veterinarian, and have a well rounded life. Like traveling, and activities with the children and little trips with my husband. Well things did not work out exactly like that. Thing in my young adult life lets just say they were "life's little lessons". When I was 21 I meet my husband that I am married to now. Our romance started off fast and has been going strong every since. We have been together for 24 years and like all marriages we have had our ups and downs. We have 2 wonderful teenage boys but here again this was a detour or maybe a different direction in our dreams that we were planning for. When my oldest son was 2 1/2 years old I took him to Chapel Hill to be evaluated by a team of doctors and therapist. I was told that he either was mildly autistic or he had fragile x syndrome. At the time I was 4 months pregnant with my second child and was told if we have fragile x then there was a 50/50 chance that this child would have it to. I was devastated and decided right then and there that it was not Fragile X and that my second child would not have anything wrong with him. Well this was in early spring and in November I had another son. Things looked promising because I did not see the same things going on with him as I did my first child such as waking up in the middle of the night with night terrors or having constant ear infections. My baby boy was following his developmental milestones but there was just a little something off. He did not babble, or make normal baby sounds. By the age 2 I took him to chapel hill and had blood work done for the fragile x and the test come back positive for this horrible gene.   Here I was a mom just like I dreamed but, both of my parents had passed away. I had quit my job all before my first sons birthday. My husband and I struggled because of only one income and having to go to the doctor a lot for ear infections, diapers, potty training was hard and replacing things that they broke. We learned how to follow a whole new dream that we did not even have anything to do with. Our dreams now was all about the boys and their education and accomplishing goals to make them able to do as much as possible with their mental disabilities. They have grown into fine young men and I am very proud of them. More than the mom part was changed. We had to plan out things to help the boys adjust for changes, we had to have many battles with IEP's and getting the services that we felt that our boys needed. My husband had to work 2 and 3 jobs to help keep us a float. Man I am glad these days are over but then I again I missed my boys when they were little. I have to say though any many ways it is still like we have little boys in men bodies. Well life went on and my oldest son was in school and my younger son was in preschool and I had time on my hands. I started exercising with my husbands uncle Bobby, I started finally losing my baby weight from my 3 year old baby. I was 202 lbs. when I joined weight watchers. I lost 61 lbs putting me as the smallest I had been since 9th grade but never did make goal because of changes in life. Well when my youngest son started school I decided to go back to college and try to get a degree in something, this was in 2003. In 2006 I graduated with a degree in Early childhood. During my college days I thought I was suppose to eat while I studied and I stopped exercising as much and eating out more. I started gain my weight back that I had worked so hard to lose. I started looking for a job as a teacher assistant and the perfect job came open for me in a self-contained classroom at the high school my oldest son was getting ready to attend. I have been doing this for over 5 years now and I loving every minute of it. Never thought I would ever in a million years want to teach  children let along special ed students. Another dream change. Now I have been struggling with stress, and getting fatter and fatter. The teacher I started off working with retired and left me in the middle of the school year. They did not hire a teacher back for the rest of the year and I was going to college again this time to become a teacher. I was taking 3 classes and I was stressed to the max. Also around Christmas time we lost one of our precious students to death. I had to run the class which I had great help, but we did a lot of cooking and eating. I started slowly gaining weight, until I am at the heaviest I have ever been 237.8. I have been working on trying to lose again but now that I am 45 years old and so fat that I don't feel like moving it is not as easy to come off. But I will not give up because this is my dream to be healthy and able to move and wear clothes that are not fat people clothes. My other dream is to finish college with my 4yr. degree in special education. I have talked myself into quitting several times but I am struggling to make myself stay in, because of my thing of starting something and quitting before I reach my goal. So I guess I will keep dreaming of getting my teaching degree, losing weight, moving to the beach and being out of debt.

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