Sunday, June 24, 2012

Day 6, New Thrills

I did not have a really good eating day yesterday. I had a ham biscuit from Hardee's .
 I had cantaloup, squash steamed, 1 wheat baked chicken tender, 9 oreos, Chick-fil=la chicken nuggets, and waffle fries, 3 snack size milky way caramel candy bars, more cantaloup and 2 peaches. I never did make myself do any good exercise but we did take are family walk. Today will be better. I got to go buy my hair color yesterday and I am going Monday hopefully to get a hair cut . I am so ready for a new me.. Today I am suppose to think about and write something that I have avoided doing because of my weight. I have not avoided anything lately. Other than the fact I don't want my husband hugging my fat. I know this sounds weird but you know what I mean if you are fat. I avoid putting resent pictures of myself on facebook because of how fat I am. I just feel really bad about my self. I  get sick of worrying about what I eat, not getting enough exercise, and not being able to get into my clothes comfortable. I hate the fact that I am tired and achy all of the time.  I would love to go have my toenails done but I am embarrassed because I can not reach my toes. So I guess you can so that I avoid these things. LOL  The challenge for the day also wants me to think about how it would feel to be thin....Well I have been thinner and  I loved it but for some reason I can not handle being thin or I let everything else over whelm and I get were I don't care. "Like be happy fat" or "your not that fat", but then you see your self in a picture only to wonder who is that fat woman? knowing the whole time it is you! Oh yeah I avoid cameras also. I don't appear to be a shy person but deep inside I think I really am. I hate getting attention. Oh well.

Some questions I need to answer during my challenge:
1. If I were a healthy weight, what would that look like? It would look 80 lbs lighter.
2. What would it feel like to but clothes in size____? I would love to wear a size 12 again. This was a good easy to find size and I felt good about my self at the size.
3. What if I didn't have to dread getting dressed in the mornings? I would love this!! I would love it to put on something and it was not to tight, stretched out, blousey, and belly rolls.
4. What if I could play with the kids without getting out of breath? This would be wonderful since I am a teacher in a special ed class and having 45 min PE with them can wear a fat women plum out!!
5. What would I do differently if money was not an issue? Oh the things I would do.... Dream... I would buy healthy food all of the time. I would buy me a building and set it up with exercise equipment and use it. I would buy new clothes, and reward myself. I would move to the beach. I would build a pool. DREAM DREAM dream.....
6.What church or charity would I give to if I had more finances? I would help my church Union Grove Baptist build the life center to exercise in then I would not need my own exercise equipment. I would build a day program for disabled adults and hire people to help me run it. I would give to to the charity to help for programs for disabled adults and children.
7. If nothing was holding me back what would I most likely do in life that I haven't done? I would me more active outside, such has hiking mountains, bike riding, horse riding, kayaking, snow and water skiing, and so many other outdoor activities I would love to do.
8. What things did I dream about before life took over? I am not sure but it was not to feel overwhelmed and fat like my mom. It was not to have disabled children, and have to always considered them before me or anything else. It was to have a normal life, do a little traveling, have a place at the river and at the beach. to do do and do some more....

Don't Quit

by: Unknown Author

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

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